A Story Doesn't Exist Unless It's Told.

If your hand can move through my body and touch my heart, what would you feel emanating from it?

Sorrow and emptiness in the dark black spaces hallowed out where loved ones were lost and their seats are empty? Telling you I'll never be the same person I was before those losses.

Hypervigilance which has my heart in a constant state of alert for potential threats around me from past traumas? Always aware of my surroundings. Compassion and Empathy in great vibrations through your fingertips telling you I often put other people's feelings ahead of my own?

Avoiding conflicts to save any bad feelings to the other person, keeping my feelings to myself often to keep the peace, even if that means sacrificing what I truly feel and want. Overly understanding and kindness you feel moving in slow soft waves over your hand-so others don't feel how I've been feeling, and it can turn their whole day around into a smile?

Welcoming pure love telling you I made a home for you in a special stained-glass colored place in my heart so I can always embrace you there? Innocence beaming that's almost childlike swinging high on a swing in the golden sunshine, holding a yellow dandelion flower in my hand as my feet can almost touch the clouds in the blue sky without a care in the world?

Romance that makes my delicate feminine soul look like pink pastel hues, and feels like a white doily lace on an old antique side table with an ivory Tiffany lamp warmly illuminated by the light through the drapes?

Passion searing hot red flames with heat that would scorch you until you learn to tame and control it till it surrenders to you? Desire and sensuality in the corners ready to lure you with the look of my eyes and a devilish smirk in my smile?

All that you can feel with just one touch. One graze of your fingertips sliding down as your hand is cascading through.

So Fu*k my soul and feel me entirely- to know me completely, honestly, and wholly with you in it.

-©️ Abdullah.

I don't want to remember the scars you left

But every day they're stuck within my mind

There'll always be a little piece of you around.

Like a nightmare that doesn't fade in the morning.

~

Because the scars you left behind cut deep

If i was to compare them to an ocean.

My lungs would burst as i reached its bed.

That's how far your abuse made me drown.

~

Maybe I've now learnt to come up for air.

But the toxicity of your actions still haunts me.

My mind has these mental flashbacks all the time.

It's like although I've finally reached the surface

All that i have to greet me is a flood of acid rain

~

Because the memories are probably more painful.

Replaying it over and over again every day.

Makes me relive each moment in high definition

It makes the wounds bleed once again.

~

I've carried them with me since I was a child.

The bruises may have now faded away

But your fist feels like it's always approaching

My body still flinches every single time.

~

I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive you.

But somehow i have to learn to move on.

I can't let you control my life forever.

Even though i still feel like that little child.

~

THE SCARS YOU LEFT BEHIND.

#Abdullah

A story doesn't exist unless it's Told.

As he was inside me, with his weight on top of me, he kissed me on my forehead softly again and again- in between kissing my lips hard and passionately, as he said 'You know what a kiss on the forehead means'.

I was silent.

I knew what it meant. It meant protection. Respect. It meant undying love. It meant I'm his, and his alone. It meant 'you're mine'. It meant I mean the world to him. I didn't need to answer his statement. He knew I knew what it meant. We understood each other in those sweet seconds as he stayed inside me.

And in that moment, I fell in love with him more than I already do...and he didn't even know it.

A

Always say "my peace is more important" when you find yourself reacting to something that doesn't deserve your energy.

#Abdullah

He dipped his fingers into my mouth

and called me his.

I brought the animal out in him.

The side he showed no one else.

And I became something feral, taunting, and submissive. The very thing he needed and craved.

I felt wanted and adored.

He felt needed, cathartic, and in control.

And when we collided, storms erupted violently.