Latest Posts by abdullahbook - Page 5

My Goodness!!!

He loved her for her my mind. The straight lines of correct connections, and even the scribbles going every which way. The over-thinking mind, the over analyzing mind, the smart mind, and the chaos within.

He loved her for her heart. The deeply feeling, super in touch with her emotions, very empathetic, and capable of deep soulful passionate love. Even with the beautifully colored stained glass shattered pieces within, and the black hole that can't ever be mended from the brokeness she feels. He loved it all.

He loved her for her body. Sensual, porcelain, silky soft, beautiful, and innocent. With a dark that he only gets to see, adore, devour, and chain for his using.

He loved her for her smile. For when she asked what he misses most, He always answered 'You're Smile'.

He loved her for her eyes and the way she looked at him with love, trust, devotion, desire, seduction, and teasing. A look that would make him sit back when she turned her head to the side to look at him longingly.

He loved her for her cute jokes, and bubbly, happy, kind, personality that was infectious.

He loved her for her bad days. The days when she spiraled down, felt numb, was quiet, with no enthusiasm, slept for hours, and stared off into space. Maybe that's when he loved her the most. When she was at her most vulnerable point, broken, a complete mess, just crying, and not herself. That's when he loved her harder. Even the strong fall.

But if she asked him when he loved her immensely with the outpouring of his soul, She would have to say...when she's standing infront of him wearing just her black lace panties, her arms tied bound above her, trust given to him 100%, with a whip in his hand as he's admiring his handiwork, and licking her tears...telling her how beautiful she is, and that she's the love of his life.

That's when.

-Abdullah

A story doesn't exist unless it's Told.

A story doesn't exist unless it's Told.

Look her in the eyes when you run your hand up her thighs, because her desire is in the connection. Don't be surprised, when she shivers and sighs, intimacy is your most dangerous weapon.

Kiss her real slow, and kiss her down low, you don't have to be on top to make sure you're in charge. Run your hands through her hair, till she's so close to there, then hold her close as she falls off the ledge.

Make her scream out your name, till it drives you insane, and you both lay spent on the bed. Don't even think that I'm done with you yet.

A story doesn't exist unless it's Told.

Am I a romantic? Oh yes, I'm a very romantic soul. Do I love the love notes, the personal written poems out of the blue, my favorite flowers just because, date nights, holding my hand, touching the dimple on my lower back, running your fingers through my dark brown hair, saying sweet things in my ear making me feel beautiful and wanted and all those special things? Definitely. Yes, I love the mushy side of romance. I'm that kinda girl. But that's only one side of romance for me. Romance isn't all lovey dovey in my eyes.

It means so much more to me. Romance can be dark and moody, captivating like your favorite crime novel, burning and feverish with desires, powerful feelings exchanges and glances, intense passion never known before that you can't get enough of, longing for each other, sensuality just oozing out of their bones, a ball of chaos that is so sexually divine that your whole world becomes a sky of lightening strikes with one touch, one kiss, one lick of his tongue.

One motion of his hand around my neck, one swift motion holding my hands up above my head as he kisses me.

One phrase whispered in my ear sending chills up my spine 'what do you say?', he said. One look motioning for me to get into position. One growl next to my face as his mouth is tangled in my hair. Did I want the flowery, suagry, mushy side of romance? Of course I did.

But I also wanted the type of romance only he can give me. And he knows exactly which romance switch to turn on when I'm with him. He just knows. And I think that's the art of being with a girl like me.

Knowing me so well that he knows my moods, my gaze, my word cues, my needs, and wants to the point of naturally knowing which side of romance is knocking at the door that night.

Did you think about her as you were driving alone? Maybe in the middle of a meeting. Or maybe as you're working on a document alone in your office. Did you remember how you had her on the floor under your desk? Over your desk? In the conference room where you typically sit when you're making a deal? Her presence is at your work at any point of the day in different rooms.

Maybe you can even smell her perfume lingering, remembering those moments. Do you close your eyes as you see it in your mind? Still hearing her moans? You can almost feel her writhing under you. All as if it was just yesterday. Yet was months ago. The anticipation just grows throughout your day.

Visioning how she turns and looks at you with that look only she gives you. You know the one. The one that makes you sit back and just want her as you're at dinner. The clock is ticking and your anxiousness grows knowing you'll meet that night. No one ever made you feel the way she does. No one ever connected with you on so many levels, especially sexually.

She meshes with and wraps around you like the scarf around her neck-as you pull it back and twist to choke her as you're kissing her in your car. No one knows you and understands you the way she does. You never fully showed anyone all that you are, the real you....except for her. She knows.

She can gauge your reactions, your feelings, your next words, your mood, even your next thoughts. You've never been this open and raw with anyone else.

And neither has she. Only you know the real her. All the sides of her that makes her who she is. You also gauge her moods, her reactions, her feelings.

You know her more than anyone else ever has. It takes a lot for her to show the real her. Just like you. And you found it in each other. No other relationship you had was like this. Intense, raw, open, high trust, sensual, romantic, and dark all in one. You can't get enough of each other. So yes, you anticipate all day while you're at work.

Waiting for that time you'll meet again and feel her body against yours. Her hair in your fist, your mouth on her neck. All she has to do is close her eyes and imagine and feel as if you're right there, touching her, feeling her.

Now all you have to do is text her what lingerie set you want her to wear. Only thing is...will she listen. Will she challenge you and rile you, stirring something deep and primal inside?

She enjoys doing that to you. And You know you love it.

A story doesn't exist unless it's Told.

As he was inside me, with his weight on top of me, he kissed me on my forehead softly again and again- in between kissing my lips hard and passionately, as he said 'You know what a kiss on the forehead means'.

I was silent.

I knew what it meant. It meant protection. Respect. It meant undying love. It meant I'm his, and his alone. It meant 'you're mine'. It meant I mean the world to him. I didn't need to answer his statement. He knew I knew what it meant. We understood each other in those sweet seconds as he stayed inside me.

And in that moment, I fell in love with him more than I already do...

And he didn't even know it.

If depression has a color it wouldn't black. It would be dull muted gray.

Black makes a statement.

It's solid, not allowing any light in. It's bold. It's loud. It's in your face. It's like the infinite night sky. It's lovely sin in lace.

Muted gray isn't any of those things. It's dull. It's numb.

It's soft background white noise. It's pale and not blatantly seen.

It blends into the scenery without other people even noticing.

It still lets some light in. It's nothing. It says nothing. It's just there-existing. Lifeless and drained of all life, spirit, color, and the essence of who you are. You lose your identity. You lose your personality.

In depression, you lose everything that makes you-you.

You're muted gray. And that's okay. In time, you'll heal little by little, getting yourself out of the monotone darkness you know so well. You made a bed there. You're comfortable there. Safe. But don't stay there. Even though it feels like home. It's not. It's a big grey-black veil over your real self. Your soul. Once you start healing, you lift the veil up little by little....letting light in.

As months and years go by, you've healed in many little steps that add up to a huge change in you. You're still in depression, but nowhere near as deep as you were. You remember how you were back then, and you see how much you healed for the better.

You see you're not staring at walls or patterns on drapes, or blankly staring at the floor. You're not closed off, you're not as quiet, you're smiling more, laughing more, engaging more, doing more activities you used to love and enjoy, being more sociable, and overall just being the real YOU.

You see more of your old personality shining through. THAT'S when you see the difference in you. You're not 100% healed by any means. But you've made strides. More and more...seeing your old self there in the distance in the field.

Go get her. She needs you back.

I want to hold your hand on a cold night, and wake up to your face on a Saturday morning.

I want to travel that vast expanse of your mind and scare the evil spirits and bad thoughts away. I want to fall asleep to the pure sound of your heartbeat and taste the tantalizing feel of your skin.

I want to wrap my arms tight around you and never let go. I want to fall asleep to the sound of your voice and wake up to the beauty of your smile.

I want to kiss you from head to toe and drown in your carefree laugh. I want you, in your entirety, and I want to love you endlessly.

A story doesn't exist unless it's Told.

"The most important thing is to enjoy your life - to be happy - it's all that matters."

--Abdullah.

"If your hand can move through my body and touch my heart, what would you feel emanating from it?

Sorrow and emptiness in the dark black spaces hallowed out where loved ones were lost and their seats are empty? Telling you I'll never be the same person I was before those losses.

Hypervigilance which has my heart in a constant state of alert for potential threats around me from past traumas? Always aware of my surroundings. Compassion and Empathy in great vibrations through your fingertips telling you I often put other people's feelings ahead of my own?

Avoiding conflicts to save any bad feelings to the other person, keeping my feelings to myself often to keep the peace, even if that means sacrificing what I truly feel and want. Overly understanding and kindness you feel moving in slow soft waves over your hand-so others don't feel how I've been feeling, and it can turn their whole day around into a smile?

Welcoming pure love telling you I made a home for you in a special stained-glass colored place in my heart so I can always embrace you there? Innocence beaming that's almost childlike swinging high on a swing in the golden sunshine, holding a yellow dandelion flower in my hand as my feet can almost touch the clouds in the blue sky without a care in the world? Romance that makes my delicate feminine soul look like pink pastel hues, and feels like a white doily lace on an old antique side table with an ivory Tiffany lamp warmly illuminated by the light through the drapes?

Passion searing hot red flames with heat that would scorch you until you learn to tame and control it till it surrenders to you? Desire and sensuality in the corners ready to lure you with the look of my eyes and a devilish smirk in my smile?

All that you can feel with just one touch.

One graze of your fingertips sliding down as your hand is cascading through.

So Fuck my soul and feel me entirely- to know me completely, honestly, and wholly with you in it.

He was fluent in me.

In every way.

He rode my highs and my lows, and the waves that came crashing upon me almost drowned me.

He knew how emotionally deep feeling I can be, and how I overthink often to the point of anxiety.

He knew when I was quiet, I was in deep thought or upset about something and holding it in.

He knew when something was bothering me and filled me up with stress, I hardly ate.

He knew I was a very strong person, but also broken with many cracks deep as caverns, and cracks that are healing and mending.

He knew my eyes spoke more than my lips ever could. He knew my eyes can speak a language of their own only for him. A language he loved gazing at.

He knew my body even as he was in a meeting with his eyes closed, picturing me laying on the bed with that black lacy number he liked. He knew every inch, every curve, every line of my body in memory.

He knew how to make my body rise and fall, and quiver only for him. How to make me purr and scream at the same time.

He knew when to be soft with me, and when to not be so gentle.

He knew when I needed to talk about something on my mind, and when I needed to just be held as if there were only the two of us in the world.

He knew I always had a hard time falling asleep, but once sleeping-was hard to wake me up.

He knew I hated change and don't take it well. Even with choosing restaurants, ordering meals, or picking TV shows. The familiar felt much more comfortable and safe than the risk of something new.

He knew when something was wrong just by my voice or how my eyes looked at him, and I didn't even need to say a word.

He knew when I was stressed, I cleaned.

He knew my humor was dirty and sarcastic, yet childlike. And he knew I loved to laugh and make people laugh- because in depression-you know what it's like to not feel.

He knew I loved consistency, from the 'good morning' to the 'goodnight', to show me I was on his mind from sunrise to sunset.

He knew my walls were built higher and higher over the years due to traumas, loss, and pain- not to keep people out, but to protect myself and not burden others. Walls only He knew how to climb and navigate.

He knew how to protect me physically and emotionally, even from myself and my own anxiety filled mind.

He knew how I liked to be touched...and licked.

He knew how I loved laying my head on his chest because it's the safest place to be at times.

He knew when I tell him I love him, it's not just those words. It's also in me saying -'let me know when you get home okay', and drive safe'.

He knew the electrical currents to my mind, and the road map to my soul.

He knew it all. Every part, every inch of me. But most of all.

He loved me for me...accepting my rationalities, irrationalities, complexities, and my simple.

Loving you completely for all you are...the good and easy parts, and the dark and crazy parts- will come very natural and easily to the one who truly and genuinely loves you. It will come harder for one who doesn't. If you're lucky, you'll find 'the one'... like I did.

Don't leave anything for later.

Later, the coffee gets cold.

Later, you lose interest.

Later, the day turns into night.

Later, people grow up.

Later, people grow old.

Later, life goes by.

Later, you regret not doing something...

When you had the chance.

Life is a fleeting dance, a delicate balance of moments that unfold before us, never to return in quite the same way again.

Regret is a bitter pill to swallow, a weight that bears down upon the soul with the burden of missed chances and unspoken words.

So, let us not leave anything for later. Let us seize the moments as they come, with hearts open and arms outstretched to embrace the possibilities that lie before us. For in the end, it is not the things we did that we regret, but the things we left undone, the words left unspoken, the dreams left unfulfilled.

Be happy for no reason, like a child. If you are happy for a reason, you’re in trouble, because that reason can be taken from you.

No one will come to save you but some will offer you their hand to hold when life gets tough and those are the ppl that matter.

It's okay for others to misunderstand you and your intentions. it is inevitable actually.

I do feel like this whole self improvement culture thing can go too far where people are never happy with who they are and where they are because they’re constantly trying to be better or do better and they’re always waiting for some sort of glow up or achievement or therapy realisation that will make them feel complete but that isn’t real and life is actually in the every day.

The goal for this year and for every year is to be kind and also to stop being scared of literally everything.

Even having one true friend or person that loves you can change your life.

It's only because of their stupidity that they're able to be so sure of themselves.

Go get her. She needs you back.

A story doesn't exist unless it's Told.

He dipped his fingers into my mouth

and called me his.

I brought the animal out in him.

The side he showed no one else.

And I became something feral, taunting, and submissive. The very thing he needed and craved.

I felt wanted and adored.

He felt needed, cathartic, and in control.

And when we collided, storms erupted violently.

Taste my soul and see how it only drips for you.

Make my body rise and fall like the greatest ruins in Rome.

Lick away the growling moans from my mouth that only you hear.

Give me a sensual memory that makes me close my eyes and take a deep breath remembering what the moment felt like.

Make me scream your name as I'm throwing my head back in ecstasy and agony.

Rapture me with your words that send chills down my spine and ignites my soul.

Wipe my tears away and calm my anxieties as only you can.

Calm the storms in my eyes and the panic in my chest as you hold me tight.

Break down my Hadrian's Wall that keeps guard of my emotions, and barricades my heart from hurt.

Help calm my mind by separating my rational and my overthinking.

Put my insecurities to rest by gently caressing my mind.

Paint the mosaic of my heart with vibrant colors, instead of the muted grays of depression.

Make me come alive again by scratching your fingers down my back making red lines.

Lay down with me putting my head on your chest- as I'm listening to the rhythm of your heartbeat relaxing my tension.

Envelope me so the dark matter of my heart can collide with yours forming our own constellation.

Be my muse, my force, my inspiration for my raw creative expression.

Lure out my darkness and play with it as you wickedly grin.

Smile warmly at the innocence of my light that illuminates my soul.

Love me through my light and dark- guiding me through the journey not letting me fall.

Have such a strong connection with me that I'm etched into your mind, as you're in mine.

A connection so incredibly strong that we're highly attuned to each other as a 6th sense without having to say a word. We just know.

Love me as only you can...sincerely, divinely, truly, all encompassing, and adoringly....and I'll always be yours as long as the stars are in the night sky.