Doctorsickx - Doctorsickx

Anger bursts inside of me as fire crackers under the moonlight, with a cackle first and then a battle cry.

Relating to this on another level these days.

bpd culture is feeling like you're getting better until you start dating someone and getting interested in them and then realizing you're still so, so broken

.

yeah

i wanna lay under my blanket and die

kinda wanna leave. kinda wanna ghost everyone. kinda wanna rot under a blanket. kinda wanna feel loved. kinda wanna feel wanted. kinda wanna

i feel so alone all the goddamn time.

gave me a personality disorder

It's so much easier to push people away. I don't want to feel anything. I want to turn off my emotions and self destruct. I refuse to feel grief or any strong emotion that I just don't want to feel. I'd rather not think about any of those emotions and just keep trying to destroy myself. I can't cope with real life. I'd rather make them hate me. My brain is telling me to push them away. And I can't stop it.

My childhood trauma didn't make me stronger. it made me a people pleaser. it made me forgive way too much. it made me not speak when i'm supposed to. it made me an extreme empath.

I belong to none,

not these extended hands,

the rosey skies,

or the bloodied battlegrounds in my name.

I belong to none other than myself

but know not which one in particular

I may not love myself on most days

but I definitely would not let you either.