Can Mutuals DM You?

Shut up, I know others have it worse.

I know I’m a horrible person.

I know that I deserve my poisoned mind.

I know that I’m not worth anything.

I know that I deserve everything that’s coming for my life and my throat.

I know that no one will ever want me.

I know that I’m ugly.

I know that I’ll never be loved by a stranger.

I know that I don’t deserve to complain.

I know that I’m privileged.

Goddamnit, I fucking know that I deserve these thoughts, that I deserve to die and, god, I know that I should’ve never been born to begin with.

So shut the fuck up.

Tired of waking up with the same ache in my chest that I went to sleep with

I think one of the worst symptoms of bpd is the lack of emotional permanence no matter how many good and loving people you have in your life the second you are alone it feels like you were never loved and it was all just a figment of your imagination

You could be digging my grave

And I'd hand you the shovel

And I'd light myself on fire

Just to keep you warm

You could put a gun to my temple

And I'd tell you to pull the trigger

Because I’d take anything you could give me

Even if it’s just pain and suffering

I’d take anything

As long as it’s you who gives it to me

I was never meant to go through this much character development

Curiosity

You always greeted me with a smile

Asked me how I was, how my day was going

I smiled back and told you I was fine

But I think you knew I was lying

Because my smile never quite reached my eyes

The way yours always seemed to do

And sometimes the words came out flat

Like I never really believed them

You were always the curious cat

You poked and prodded till I gave in

I resisted a lot, putting up walls

But you broke them right down

But curiosity has a heavy price

You couldn't handle what you saw

The expanse of my damage was unfathomable

Too much for you to stomach

You quickly tried to backpedal

But the damage was done

In your hurry you stepped on my heart

Which was already broken, and now crushed

The horrors of my soul were too much for you to bear

And I can understand why it was so

Because I've lived with them this long

And you never got a chance to get used to them like I did

You abandoned the shattered pieces of my heart

I tried to pick them up and mend them

But the jagged edges just cut me deeper

And left me bleeding once again

They say curiosity killed the cat

But it wasn't you who died

It was the endless possibilities that we could have had

And I was left with the ghost of what could have been

Maybe it's better this way

You'll be safe now, away from me

But the fact that hurts the most is that

Your curiosity was what led us to our demise

The urge to slice my fucking neck open.

I'll search for you in every person I meet

They say being addicted to a person is more dangerous than being addicted to a drug. Too bad I've never been one to heed advice.

Grey

Whenever I love something, I put a little piece of my heart into it. Kind of like a horcrux. But a piece of it also lodges itself in my soul, making it its home.

I am the sum of each book I've read, every movie I've watched, each place I've been. I am every person around me.

But I am also the culmination of every mistake I've ever made. Every negative thought, each bad feeling, each horrible experience.

Everything, good and bad, coexists in me. I am every moment I've lived.

The happy and nostalgic moments with friends, the horrible fights with family. The exciting new experiences, the traumatic moments I wish to forget. The white mixed with the black, painting a hauntingly beautiful landscape in a thousand different shades of grey.

But the whole is supposedly greater than the sum of its parts. Maybe someday, I can be more than all that makes me up. Maybe someday, I can be that whole.