The Skill Of Going "jesus I Just Dont Fucking Care" And Scrolling On

Apples are so fucked up you can get two from the same pile ans one tastes more like an apple than anything youve ever eaten and the other tastes like water poisoned by pharaohs

I love you, George Takei.

I overthink things you've never even thought of

can you please shut up im trying to preheat the oven to 350 degrees

Matteo, peeling a banana: May I take your jacket, sir? Hahahaha. 

Dave: Do you think other people can’t hear you?

everybody shut up about clubs i dont care

guy tries to toss a cigarette on the ground but the ground parries it and it flies back into his mouth and he solemnly continues to smoke it

It’s a five-minute walk from my house to the pub.

It’s a thirty-five minute walk from the pub to my house.

The difference is staggering.