I Don't Want To Go To Sleep. I Want To Keep Thinking About Ewan McGregor 😔 Why God Why?

For the Ewan character ask game:

Q17 + Alex Law.

He’s my bbygirl 💚

17. What's a ship for this character you don't hate but it's not your favorite that you're fine with?

Well, this is an interesting question for Alex because, from what I recall, there are only six named characters beside him in Shallow Grave. The few other characters he interacted with are nameless and/or have no speaking lines. Plus, I don't think I actually ship Alex with anyone. So, I guess I'll say Cameron. He seems really sweet and maybe they could make up and start over.

Thanks for the ask!

I'm scared. I'm fucking scared. Tornado

SFW Alphabet: Catcher Block (Down with Love)

shoutout to my bestie @hellsalad for being a listening ear, helpful guide when I got stuck, and general inspiration for me to keep writing 💞

A - Affection (How affectionate is he? How does he show affection?)

Catcher is very affectionate and not afraid to display it publicly. He likes walking arm in arm or with his arm around your waist. When you hold hands, he periodically kisses your knuckles making you feel like royalty.

B - Best Friend (What is he like as a best friend? Where does the friendship start?)

Being best friends with THE Catcher Block means that you can truly say that you have friends in high places. He has the hookup for all the best restaurants, sports games, and nightlife entertainment. There's always something new to do when you're with him. He's a very fun and energetic person to be around. Your friendship began at the Know Magazine office. You were a junior journalist and had the great fortune of being paired with Catcher (much to his chagrin at the time) as your mentor. The friendship had a bit of a bumpy start but you showed a lot of promise in the field and impressed him. Now, it's hard to imagine never being friends!

C - Cuddles (Does he like to cuddle? How does he cuddle?)

Absolutely! He likes when you lay your head on his chest with one leg over his. He holds one of your hands with his and his other is wrapped around you rubbing your back. He's not really into spooning as he likes to see your face.

D - Domestic (Does he want to settle down? How is he at cooking, cleaning, etc?)

He's not eager to settle down preferring instead to enjoy the relationship one day at a time. It being the 60s, he most definitely doesn't ask you to move in with him before he puts a ring on your finger. He's not a good cook and mainly eats out or has the occasional TV dinner. He hired a maid to clean his bachelor pad but still keeps things tidy on his own.

E - Ending (If he had to break up with his partner, how would he do it?)

He would take them out to dinner and rip the bandaid off. He would try to spare their feelings by saying the cliche "it's not you it's me." or get them to to think that breaking up is their idea. He doesn't want the breakup to be nasty so that the door's still open for "sex a la carte" in the future. He's not heartless though, and if the relationship was a deep one then he'd mourn the end in private just like anyone else. (Ice cream and sad movies included).

F - Fiance (How does he feel about commitment? Does he want to get married?)

Catcher avoids commitment like the plague. He likes having many lovers to choose from like a buffet and being tied down would ruin that. He's one of the most desirable and eligible men in New York so he wants to have fun while he still can. Marriage isn't something that ever interested him until he met you. He can't help but feel like the two of you could make a beautiful life together. He's not yet ready to admit these feelings to you but giving up his lifestyle of rotational lovers in favor of exclusivity with you is a start.

G - Gentle (How gentle is he both physically and emotionally)

He's a gentleman so is very gentle physically. Of course he doesn't want to hurt you and loves pampering you at every opportunity. As far as emotional gentleness, he still has some learning to do. It's not that he enjoys hurting your feelings; far from it! But he's brash, arrogant, and used to getting his way which causes him to be insensitive at times especially to things he doesn't understand.

H - Hugs (Does he like hugs? How often does he do it and what are they like?)

He's not really much of a hugger unless you consider his embraces while making out "hugs." Catch doesn't hug often but when he does he usually opts for a side hug or a brief front hug if it's a friend.

I - I Love You (how fast does he say the "L" word?)

"I love you" falls off his lips easily....a little too easily. During his philandering days it wasn't an issue for him to say it to get what he wanted. Now, getting him to say it and mean it is a whole different ball game. Vulnerability is not one of his strengths. While the love he feels for you is genuine, it's still a new feeling for him. Be prepared to wait awhile to hear him confess his love.

J - Jealousy (How jealous does he get? What is he like when jealous?)

Catcher is a jealous man through and through. A bit ironic considering his background. He keeps his cool though and doesn't make a scene. He doesn't need to. Everyone knows who he is. A steely gaze and a snide comment is enough to send a suitor packing. When the two of you go out, you're practically joined at the hip and he makes sure everyone knows you're an item with his public displays of affection.

K - Kisses (What are his kisses like? Where does he like to kiss you? Where does he like to be kissed?)

Kisses with Catch are very heated and he loves making out anytime, anywhere. He likes to kiss a trail from your mouth, down your jaw, to your neck where he lavishes you with tender kisses and gentle bites. He likes to be kissed around his ears. It's a major weakness for him. His whole suave persona crumbles when you kiss the shell of his ear. Give him a nip and nuzzle and he's putty in your hands.

L - Little Ones (How is he around kids?)

Catcher says he wants a big family one day but how he acts tells a different story. Simply put, children and Catcher don't mix. Occasionally, a young boy who looks up to him will ask for an autograph and he'll oblige. Otherwise, he's content to not interact with them. It's in the best interest of his suits after all.

M - Morning (What are mornings like with him?)

Since Catcher started his "New Man" era, he knows that he can't spend the night with you as the temptation to *ahem* get to know you "all the way better" would be too strong. Therefore, on weekdays, your mornings together start at work. If he's not traveling, you share a pot of coffee in his office before starting your hectic workday. You guys chat about how your evening was, how you slept, etc. On weekends, he picks you up to go out for breakfast or you attempt cooking together which is always a fun experience.

N - Night (How are nights spent with him?)

Catcher takes you on a date somewhere new every night! He loves the nightlife and sharing new experiences with you. Sometimes, you like to have a more calm evening by enjoying an intimate dinner before slow dancing to his extensive music collection. He always walks you back to your apartment and you end the night with a lingering kiss.

O - Open (When does he open up about himself?)

When it comes to physical intimacy, Catcher Block is bar none. But emotional intimacy? Well, he's a tough nut to crack. His debonair persona, while flashy and alluring, doesn't have much substance. He is very keen on making sure that people only know about him what he wants them to know. It takes him several weeks to get there so it's very special when he does let his guard down and shares his heart with you fully. This vulnerability usually happens in the quiet moments of life together. Sitting on the veranda watching the sunset, reading together on a rainy day, or enjoying a quiet Sunday breakfast. Moments when he doesn't have to be The Man About Town™️, just your man.

P - Patience (How easily angered is he?)

99% of the time Catcher is cool as a cucumber. The 1% of the time he gets riled up is because someone insulted his sex appeal, journaling skills, or you. At that point you might as well step out of the way and let him do what he does best: destroy the offender with an exposé.

Q - Quizzes (How much does he remember about you?)

He's capable of remembering a lot about you, however, because he's had so many partners during his playboy days, he sometimes confuses an ex's info with yours 😬.

R - Remember (Favorite memory with you?)

Catcher's favorite memory with you is of the first time your bond began to form. You got to accompany Catcher to Japan while he worked on an article. It was there that you both were introduced to karaoke by the man you were interviewing. It would be offensive to turn him down so you nervously went through with it. Turns out, Catcher is actually a good singer! The two of you grew more comfortable as the night went on and even sang several duets! Catcher was impressed with your willingness to put yourself out there for the job. Belting his heart out with you by his side felt like magic.

S - Security (How protective is he?)

He's not super protective. He knows that you can take care of yourself. If you couldn't, then you wouldn't be in the cutthroat world of journalism. Of course, that doesn't mean he won't always have your back.

T - Try (How much effort does he put in?)

Catcher is a man who believes in going above and beyond. It's how he become the best journalist in New York after all. He applies this mentality to anything he sets his mind on. Or in this case, anyone. He pulls out all the stops when wooing you and even after you start going steady. Of course, he doesn't want to seem like he's trying since that would ruin his laid back persona. But in his heart, he's genuinely eager to please.

U - Ugly (What are his bad habits?)

Let's just say that putting others first is not second nature to him. It's not that he goes out of his way to be selfish, he's just never had to share before. He's used to going where he wants and doing what he wants whenever he wants. He hasn't had a relationship deeper than a fling so thinking about how his decisions affect you doesn't really cross his mind. This also leads to another bad habit which is assuming that what he wants is also what you want.

V - Vanity (How concerned is he with his looks?)

VERY! Never a hair out of place or a wrinkle in his wardrobe. He's sexy and he knows it and you best believe he flaunts it.

W - Whole (Would he feel incomplete without you?)

He would be heartbroken if your relationship didn't work out and he does miss you when you're apart. However, he would be able to bounce back eventually though you'd always have a place in his heart.

X - Xtra (Random headcanon)

He's not quick to cry but the song "Moon River" never fails to make him misty-eyed.

Y - Yuck (Things he doesn't like in general or in a partner)

Catcher is very open to new experiences. His motto is: "I'll try anything once, twice if I like it" (wink wink). Therefore, someone who prefers living in a set routine or refuses to step outside their comfort zone isn't going to last in a relationship with him.

Z - Zzz (What is a sleep habit of his?)

He's a wild sleeper. Limbs all over the place, tossing and turning, all that jazz. He's also a blanket hog.

Made my first MCR necklace last night!

I chose the song Disenchanted because it's one of my favorites. I also felt like it's something different, like, not what you'd expect for MCR jewelry/kandi.

At first I wasn't sure if I loved it. I have synesthesia (and a weird brain in general) and I wanted to make the necklace match the colors of the song. Inevitably I got a bit overwhelmed playing around with the beads and getting them in the best order I could. Why is this such a big deal to me? The world may never know lol. But the more I look at it the more I like it. And I can now say that I'm very proud of it.

Initially, I was going to have the D-I-S be black letters and the rest be white. I felt like that would be unique on its on own AND THEN I realized that the word "dead" could be spelled inside "disenchanted" and I felt like that was super MCR coded so I went with that. That's what I'm most proud of. 😁

I GOT THEM!!!! And y'all, by the time I got off work there was not just one, not two, but THREE Ewan movies available and I got them all! You know what's crazy? The movies for sale were the next three movies in line for review in order! Moulin Rouge, Black Hawk Down, and Attack of the Clones! Isn't that cool? That brings my Ewan movie collection to five! I also got the movies Red and Red 2. Red 2 was available this morning and I considered getting it but I like the first one better so I didn't want to only buy the sequel. When I got off work, the first movie was available for sale so I went ahead and got them both! I don't think anything can dull my shine today! I shouldn't have bought so much. I'm sure I'll regret it later. Right now, I'm on cloud nine 😁🥰🥳

ALERT! ALERT!

Try to stay calm but THE "MOULIN ROUGE" DVD IS FOR SALE AT MY JOB!!!! I literally said "oh my fucking god" when I saw it. But I can't buy it because I'm on the clock and I still have 4 hours until I clock out 😫😫 I'm so scared that it's going to get bought in that time! It's brand new, still in the plastic, and only 2 DOLLARS! Oh my god, I want it sooooo bad!

Edit: I just got a chance to actually pick it up and take a look and it's not new in the plastic. Doesn't change anything for me of course. Also, another Ewan movie "Black Hawk Down" is available too! There's a good selection of general movies we have today and I'm tempted to buy an armful lol

Trigger Warning: Suicidal Thoughts

I saw some friends in my dream last night. One of them I haven't talked to in over a year, not for lack of trying. He just doesn't need my friendship anymore. Anyway, he was happy to see me in the dream and we hugged and fellowshipped. I was happy. It was nice.

Been really lonely lately. Been getting beat down by the cruelty of my coworkers. I don't understand why people are so mean. Wish I was stronger so it didn't affect me.

This life isn't worth living.

Feel like shit bothering my moots all the time. Not their fault I don't have a life. How do I explain that this is the only place I have to connect to people? My therapist would say, "Simple, you don't." All in all, I think I'm handling the isolation well.

"I think I'm gonna kill myself. Cause a little suicide." This song by Elton John came on shuffle yesterday... I'm not influential enough or powerful enough or whatever you wanna call it to make the world a better place. This was said as a joke, but I'm starting to believe it's true that the only positive impact I could make is if I go to sleep and never wake up.

Here's hoping.

Another Thrift Score!

Y'all! So there were a bajillion DVDs at the thrift store all week. I'm not kidding. They had so much that they had to start bringing the movies out in buckets because there wasn't any shelf space. I haven't had a chance to go through them all until today. I just kept telling myself "there's way too many movies for there to not be a Ewan one." I felt it in my bones. If he was in one of these buckets, I was gonna sniff him out. Finally, after a long and tedious search of scanning movie titles, guess what was at the very end?

BAM!! I could hardly contain my joy! I knew he had to be there and I knew I would find him! Yayyyy, I'm so happy! 😁 I picked up Chicago too because of my darling Renée Zellweger 🥰. There was a movie called Twisted that I considered getting for Ashley Judd too (she was in Eye of the Beholder with Ewan) but I only had so much pocket money to spend. What a great score!

Yes, Jetset has some amazing deliveries from Gerard! My favorite being "Aw sugar" 😩 goddamn I struggle to describe how it makes me feel. It's just perfect!

Another small moment that I absolutely adore and is probably my favorite out of the MCR songs I've heard so far is in I Don't Love You. At the final chorus after Gerard whispers the first part and then belts the rest. The way he goes from screaming to literally growling out the line "I don't" is just so gutteral and raw. It's fucking *mwah* 🤌

I was thinking about my tattoo question and I think I would get the lyric "run run bunny run" (or just run bunny run" on my neck or collarbone. I love the way Gerard sings the line and it's my favorite part in the song.

Is there a small lyric/moment in a MCR song that just scratches your brain perfectly?

Collarbone is such a good place to get a tattoo. I think the “alright” in jetset (actually all of the lyrical deliveries in that song) even though it’s not a good tat. I also love “hair black collar up jet black so cool”, “and without you is how I disappear”, and “put the stake in my heart” so fucking much

Infinite Sadness

I had a vision.

Technically a companion piece to this.

I have a new goal in life and it's to buy and wear this exact outfit

mark

inspiration