I Don't Know What I'm Doing..

The duality of "If you even imply that being aro or ace condemns someone to a sad and lonely life I will fucking fight you"

and

"being aro and ace is the most isolating thing I will ever experience"

Ironychan Presents: ten animals that used to be way bigger than they are now. I’ve done a couple of posts (here and here) featuring modern animals that look prehistoric.  This is the opposite: prehistoric animals that look strikingly like their modern relatives, except for the part where they were PANTS-SHITTINGLY GIGANTIC.  (Pictures from all over the Internet, chosen with an emphasis on ones that show just how pants-shittingly gigantic these beasts were.) ALLIGATORS - Deinosuchus rugosus (Late Cretaceous) Looked very much like an ordinary alligator such as you might find in your backyard if you’re unfortunate enough to live in Florida - except that it was about forty feet long and weighed darn near twenty thousand pounds.  This animal literally ate dinosaurs for breakfast, and I can’t think of anything more supremely badass than that. SEA TURTLES - Archelon ischyros (Late Cretaceous) The genus name of this bad boy means ‘king of the turtles’ and I don’t think anybody’s gonna argue.  Built very much like a modern leatherback, Archelon was a good fifteen feet long and tipped the scales at five thousand pounds.  Paleontologists speculate that they ate giant squid, probably because they can’t think of anything else that would sustain a turtle this big. SHARKS - Carcharocles megalodon (Early Pleistocene) Megalodon looked enough like a modern Great White Shark that some scientists place it in the same genus, but it was bigger than any great white outside of an Italian horror movie: sixty feet long with a gape you could drive a car into.  It ate whales, which we know because we’ve found fossil whale bones with giant shark teeth still stuck in them.   CONDORS - Argentavis magnificens (Late Miocene) Lest you think the sea had a monopoly on gargantuan nightmare beasts, I give you the largest flying bird that ever lived, with a wingspan of some twenty-five feet.  Most likely a scavenger, this is a bird that could literally have carried off a human corpse, had there been any humans in South America six million years ago. MILLIPEDES - Arthropleura armata (Late Carboniferous) Do you hate creepy-crawlies?  Don’t go time-travelling.  Arthropleura was a millipede eight feet long.  It was the biggest land-based invertebrate that ever lived, and one of the largest land animals of its time, period.  Scientists believe it was a peaceful herbivore, but should you disregard my advice about time travel, you probably still want to avoid pissing it off. MONITOR LIZARDS - Megalania prisca (Late Pleistocene) The largest living lizard is the Komodo Dragon, which is a pretty gigantic and horrifying animal on its own.  Scientists disagree on how big Megalania was, but most estimates range from twenty to thirty feet, and like its modern relatives, it was also venomous.  Astonishingly, these were around only forty thousand years ago, and the first people to settle in Australia probably saw them.  Even more astonishingly, those people stayed in Australia. PENGUINS - Kairuku grebneffi (Late Oligocene) Penguins are, let’s face it, pretty silly-looking things.  We watch them waddle around in the zoo and laugh at them, while we forget that they also get pretty big - an emperor penguin stands four feet tall.  Kairuku was as much as a foot taller and fifty pounds heavier.  This was a penguin that could kick your ass in a fight or in a diving contest: it could go deeper and faster than any living penguin. BOA CONSTRICTORS - Titanoboa cerrejonensis (Paleocene) Snakes swallow their dinners whole - a good-sized boa can swallow a sheep.  This snake could have swallowed a goddamn hippo.  It probably got to be fifty feet long, weighed between two and three thousand pounds, and was so big around that you couldn’t have given it a hug - although it certainly could have given you one.  I have no idea what it ate, and I suspect that nobody else does, either. DRAGONFLIES - Meganeura brongniarti (Late Carboniferous) At the same time as Arthropleura were rustling through the undergrowth on god knows how many legs, Meganeura was flitting around above the prehistoric swamps.  If your car hit one of these on the highway, the results would be much more dramatic than a splat on the windshield.  With a wingspan of over two feet it was the largest flying insect ever, and probably ate things like fish and amphibians as well as other insects. ORANGUTANS - Gigantopithecus blacki (Pleistocene) Orangutans are already big enough to beat the shit out of you if they want to.  If Gigantopithecus stood on its hind legs it would have been almost ten feet tall, and most likely weighed in at around twelve hundred pounds.  This animal could have tossed you around like the Hulk beating Loki-shaped dents in the floor of Stark Tower.  Some people have suggested that it still roams the isolated woods of the world and is occasionally reported as bigfoot, in which case I humbly suggest we leave it the fuck alone.

fat frog wednesday

bonus:

actually fuck this im gonna walk into the deep sea and never come back. bye

A CROW TRIED TO GO IN OUR CLASSROOM AND HE HAD A PEN

RECORD BREAKERS

Life on earth, as magnificent and versatile as it is, is seemingly tame compared to the weird and wonderful creatures that once existed. All categories of life have reached unimaginable sizes, here are just a selection of prehistoric record breakers!

MEGALODON The biggest shark known to have existed, ruling over the oceans as recently as up to a million years ago. A length of almost 20 metres and weighing in at an estimated 48 tonnes, Megalodon could deliver a crucifying bite of up to 110,000N. It is no surprise that the Megalodon was dubbed the “whale killing shark”.

MEGATHERIUM Our early ancestors would have been quite familiar with Megatherium as they existed up to 8000 years ago, they were in fact the largest sloths to have existed. Sloths have a reputation as being lazy, slow and docile, but Megatherium was a 6 metre long, 4 tonne monster with a killer instinct and knife-like claws. Megatherium’s discovery came before that of the dinosaurs. Skeletons of these prehistoric beasts were a delight to the Victorian public and paved the way for the science of palaeontology.

ARCHELON Literally meaning “large turtle”, Archelon certainly was just that. Existing during the cretaceous, the time of the dinosaurs, Archelon could reach 4.5 metres long and may have lived to over 100 years old. Archelon could not compete with other cretaceous beings in speed and agility, but its blade-like beak was able to slice through flesh and crush though the toughest ammonite shells. Unfortunately Archelon appears to have been a popular snack for other marine dwellers, skeletons are frequently missing flippers or heads and covered in slashes.

TITANOBOA When the dinosaurs reign ended, a new era saw the rise of new super-predators, one was Titanoboa, the largest snake ever with a body up to 13 metres long, standing a metre off the ground and weighing up to 2500 pounds. Titanoboa was 30% longer than even todays largest species. Scientists believe this humongous snake hunted like its modern relatives, the boa constrictors, by winding around prey and suffocating them.

IRISH ELK Owner of the largest antlers of any animal, up to 3 metres wide, the Irish Elk gets its name from its frequent discoveries in Irish peat bogs. Existing up to 10,000 years ago, these would have been a common sight in grasslands for our ancestors. Many fossils indicate the animals died of starvation which is why the antlers are thought to have been part of elaborate mating contests between males, often resulting in one being fatally injured and unable to feed itself.

DEINOTHERIUM A distant relative of the elephants and mammoths, Deinotherium was more sinister, its name translates to “terrible beast”, they would have most likely caused trouble for our ancient ancestors around 1.5 million years ago. Deinotherium is actually considered to be the second largest land mammal of all time, behind Paraceratherium and is iconic in appearance due to its sharp, downward facing tusks.

ARCTODUS Known as the short faced bear, they were the biggest bears on record and one of the largest mammal carnivores to have existed. Whilst their skull was short, they were packed with piercing teeth that could deliver a bone crushing bite. Existing up to 11,000 years ago, out ancestors would have stayed well clear of this 900 kilogram predator, with slender limbs and knife-like claws, Arctodus was deadly.

SARCOSUCHUS One of the most infamous fossil discoveries in history, Sarcosuchus was the largest crocodile to walk the Earth up to 112 million years ago, this was a crocodile capable of killing dinosaurs. Sarcosuchus was twice as long as a saltwater crocodile, that’s 11-12 metres long and could reach over 8 tonnes. Its jaw was packed full of 66 teeth either side of its jaw and would have clamped down on prey that wandered too near.

ARGENTINOSAURUS One of the largest lifeforms that has ever stood on the Earth, Argentinosaurus could grow up to 30 metres long with its hind limbs standing 4.5 metres off the ground. They existed between 97-94 million years ago and at adulthood would have been virtually indestructible to predators. Its weight is estimated at a staggering 80-100 tonnes. There hasn’t been another land mammal on the same scale as Argentinosaurus since and it’s unlikely there ever will be.

SPINOSAURUS The largest discovered therapod ever, a group that includes Allosaurus and Tryrannosaurus. Spinosaurus remained an enigma to scientists for decades, the only discovered specimen was sadly destroyed during World War 2 and was not rediscovered until the 21st century. Spinosaurus is thought to have reached up to 16 metres long and weighed in around 12 tonnes, that is almost double the weight of a T-rex!

Hey just so you all know, the Prehistoric Planet Uncovered bonus episodes are actually being put up on the Apple TV official YouTube channel!

While it is really preferred that you do not pirate this series, if you absolutely have to for whatever reason, PLEASE watch the uncovered episodes on the official YouTube channel to show your support. These mini episodes are only around 5 minutes each and they really give a fascinating insight into all the science and research put into the show.

If we want more accurate dinosaur media where the dinosaurs actually behave like living animals, we need to show as much support as we can no matter how small.

[Edit: Updated to include all 5 Uncovered episodes]

┏┓ ┃┃╱╲ in ┃╱╱╲╲ this ╱╱╭╮╲╲house ▔▏┗┛▕▔ we ╱▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔╲      are screaming ╱╱┏┳┓╭╮┏┳┓ ╲╲ ▔▏┗┻┛┃┃┗┻┛▕▔

Sorry, it’s constant.

Aro culture is ys I doubt my romantic orientation on daily basis wherever seeing a pretty person but u shd never doubt it for me and comment on it. It’s *my* romantic orientation and *my* right to question it. Mine only.

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“Link, I heard a girl’s voice call out to me when I fell. It felt oddly familiar..” “…”