Surprised To Find I Have Looped Around To Thinking Mammals And Birds Are More Interesting Than Amphibians

Growing up aromantic is

Thinking romance is something others do. Thinking romance is a set of socially constructed behaviours. Thinking romance is friends who agree to call themselves a couple. Thinking I will marry my best friend when I grow up, because we get along well and what more would there be to it?

Thinking romance is a fictional trope, and hating Disney movies because they’re all about it. Not relating to the other kids at school because they dream of fairytale endings and true love’s kiss. Not understanding when my friends start blushing and asking who I like. Thinking “liking boys” is a trend, the result of too much Disney, not an orientation.

Thinking romance is picking a boy I want to know better and calling it a crush. Exaggerating my feelings so I can fit in. Telling a friend how I can crush or stop crushing on people at will, and laughing when she says that’s not how it works. Wondering why she pines for months over a boy who doesn’t like her back.

Thinking romance is a game and scoring a partner is winning. Getting confused when others care about what comes after. Wondering what secret rules they know that I don’t. Telling myself I must be playing the wrong way, and restarting.

Thinking romance is the fiery devotion, the deep care I have for my best friends. Trying to explain it, and the words catching in my throat. Not wanting to call it romantic love, because somehow that feels wrong. Not knowing what else to call it, because if this isn’t romance, what is?

Thinking nobody really understands romance anyway. Reading and re-reading the description of a crush in my sex education book and coaching myself to feel that way. Assuming everyone has to teach themselves how to love. Being jealous of those to whom it comes so naturally.

Thinking romance is a compromise, words and gestures that must be given to prove I care. Trying to give them and feeling out of my depth. Convincing myself I have intimacy issues. Never questioning why love feels so wrong with my boyfriend, yet so right with my friends.

Thinking romance is a happy ending written for others. Watching all my friends pair off. Staying awake at night, terrified that this means I will never matter to anyone. Asking the darkness why my own kind of love isn’t enough.

Thinking romance is something I will be taught, one day. Writing stories about heartless, empty, broken characters who are fixed by true love. Meeting the right person and still not feeling the right way. Exploring various fears and traumas because one of them has to be causing this, right?

Thinking romance is something I have to feel, or what would I be? Convincing myself I can’t be aromantic because, because, because… Being afraid of a blank slate future with no other half to hold onto. Feeling like everything I thought I’d understood is falling apart.

Thinking romance is something others do. Allowing myself to let go of what was never a part of me. Crying when an aromantic friend tells me they love me like I do. Feeling, finally, like I belong, like I am enough.

Knowing aromanticism can mean happy endings too.

Aro culture is learning not to show your excitement over making new friends because everyone will say you have a crush.

INFP 3am musings

I hope my life has a happy ending. It would be sad if someone were like watching my life as a movie and I ended up dying from an accident or something.

*Looks up compatibility with all ex’s personailty types* I hate all my exes, they were stupid! No, I hate me for dating stupid people!

I want a cat.

I want to dance. *listens to music on phone for 10 minutes while dancing in bed, then goes back to being lazy*

I should organize my clothes. Tomorrow.

I think I’ve been in my room all day except to eat and go to bathroom. Tomorrow I’ll defintely go outside.

Why is no one up that I want to talk to?! Oh! Yay! That persons awake!! I’ll say hey! *after person says hi, INFP wishes they hadnt said anything*

What am I doing with my life!!? I have so much time to figure myself out because its summer, but I still am just lazy.

Do I have a type? I feel like I have liked so many different kinds of people…

Am I cute? Yes, yes I am. I dont feel it, but i am.

Are Asians my type?

Why am I staying up? Ugh! You can’t do this! This is probably why you don’t get anything done the next day!

Fine, I am going to sleep….*watches cat video*

actually fuck this im gonna walk into the deep sea and never come back. bye

FUCK aliens ! we got these crazy shits under da sea and we’re not payin any attention!!!

“Link, I heard a girl’s voice call out to me when I fell. It felt oddly familiar..” “…”

Days of the week in Norwegian with their etymology. A lot of them transparently have the same origins as English. The major exception is Saturday, which comes from the Old Norse for washing day. 

Source

Video of Tama

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FOB lyrics that feel incredibly arospec to me

so boycott love

love never wanted me but I took it anyway

this is a love song in my own way, happily ever after below the waist

its a strange way of saying I know I’m supposed to love you

I got your love letters, corrected the grammar and sent them back

it’s true romance is dead, I shot it in the chest and in the head

I thought I loved you, it was just how you looked in the light