Thinking About My Future As An Aroace Is Weird Cuz Like.

thinking about my future as an aroace is weird cuz like.

unless you want to live alone or go about your life moving between various roommates, you're generally gonna want to get yourself some kind of domestic partner. maybe two or three if you're polyamorous and especially good at compromising and communicating. this person (or couple of people) is going to be more important to your future plans than anyone else.

even if amatonormativity and expectations of a monogamous nuclear family didn't exist, this would still happen to some degree. like if you decided your top 5 friends would be equally important in your future plans, and each of them gave THEIR top 5 friends the same importance, and so-on, then eventually you'd end up with a "household" the size of a small city and nobody would be able to agree on anything.

people who are alloromantic, allosexual, and monogamous already have this issue figured out for them. generally, (unless you both agree the relationship is more casual) it is assumed that your romantic/sexual partner will also be the one who is most important to you and will be your domestic partner in the future

and the whole idea of domestic compatibility is typically considered SECONDARY to the passion of romance. it's just ASSUMED that if you're dating you're gonna spend your lives together (if you dont break up first). you have that safety net and hardly have to think about it! (though imo, more people SHOULD think about it and question why their romantic partner HAS TO be their domestic partner too, rather than a best friend filling that role instead, but i digress)

so when you ask someone out, the main question is more of "do you want our relationship to get more intimate and romantic?" and then "do you want to spend our lives together?" is secondary, to be figured out later.

but i'm an aroace and building a relationship from that kind of passion is simply not an option for me. some aspecs get into queerplatonic relationships, and those don't have the same romantic/sexual passion of more traditional relationships, but there's still usually an expectation that your qpp will be more emotionally intimate with you than your other friends, alongside the whole "let's spend our lives together" thing.

but im a more reserved person and i wouldn't want to be too much closer to any potential partners than i already am to my best friends. so asking someone to be my partner would basically JUST be me asking "hey do you want to spend the rest of our lives together?"

that's basically just a marriage proposal right there! it feels like i cant just *ask* that of someone right off the bat! especially with how young i am! so i have no clue how the FUCK to ask anyone to be my partner because there is no intermediate "dating" relationship state for me! no middle step between "friendship" and "i wanna spend eternity with you"!

and most of the world is allo so even if i DO figure out how to make that work, my options are EXTREMELY limited.

i COULD seek out other aroaces to have that kind of relationship with, but then i'd be meeting a total stranger, skipping normal friendship, and jumping right into "lets spend time together and become friends in order to figure out if we want to be together FOREVER".

none of my friends are full aroace, so it would either be "you have to forego all romantic/sexual relationships for me" OR "let's do some type of polyamory-adjacent thing, and either your romantic partners will have to come second to me, OR me and your partner have to get along really well and be okay sharing a household, along with some heavy discussions to make sure i don't get third-wheeled by you two"

it's so confusing!!! i dont think i wanna be alone forever but like! all those options have their own drawbacks! what the fuck do i do???

Fave thing about Aromanticism?

Mine is the fact that aro is punk af. What’s your fave thing about our phenomenal community?

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mor-ranr

3 years ago

IT'S FINALLY JUNE!!!!

So here are a few tips to support aro and ace people during pride month :D

Give them all your money

Share your credit card information with them (make sure to include the correct PIN)

Help them invade Denmark (Bonus points if you're Danish)

This isn't a comprehensive list and every aspec person's needs are different, so feel free to add to this <3

Dirty Norwegian: swears, insults and other bad words explained

Faen i forbanna kuksugende helvete, for noe jælva dritt.

Do you wanna learn how to say “fuck in damned cocksucking hell, this is some fucking shit” and more like this in Norwegian? Well, you’re in luck because that’s exactly what I spent a good two hours of my life explaining to you guys.

Also let me know if you have any questions, I’m more than happy to answer!

m, f, nt. = masculine, feminine or neutral nouns

Faen

The equivalent to fuck. If you stubbed your toe in a table corner, this is what you will yell out in pained frustration. After years of being a swear word it has lost it’s meaning but it’s original meaning comes from fanden, which means the devil. Additional fact: In Denmark they’ll still yell fanden instead of faen.

A lot of expressions are tied to faen. Here are some examples:

Faen ta deg. (Fuck you.) Fy faen! (Fuck, but emphasized.) Faen i helvete. (Fuck in hell. Again, for emphasis.) Stygg som faen. (Ugly as fuck.) Jeg gir faen. (I don’t give a fuck.) Gi faen. (Knock it off.) … for faen.* ( … for fuck’s sake.)

*Can’t be used alone, you have to fill inn the dots with something else. Usually used when you’re saying something that may contradict what has just been said. Han er jo fæl, for faen / But he’s terrible, for fuck’s sake.

Satan og helvete

Helvete: means hell, we use this all the time. Additional fact: Many of you might know of the town in Norway called Hell and how it’s so far north that during the winter, Hell may freeze over. But the word “hell” in Norwegian means luck. Do whatever you like with this information.

Satan: You’ll yell this out the same way you’ll yell out fuck, but it doesn’t have the same dynamic as faen. You may use it as an adjective, however. For emphasis, add svarte at the end.

Satan helvetes fitte! Satan svarte!

Jævla, forbanna og jævel

Jævla is an adjective, kind of like “fucking”, except it can’t be used alone, then you’re not making sense.

You can use forbanna in two ways: (1) wherever you can use jævla. It’s an adjective, and it describes something cursed. You can also combine forbanna and jævla if you’re really pissed off! (2) to let people know that you or another person is pissed off. Basically, you ARE forbanna. Usually you add an adverb such as these in front: “fly”, “skikkelig” or “helt” forbanna. “Fly” is exclusively used for forbanna.

Jævla/forbanna idiot. (Fucking idiot.) Hun ble fly forbanna når hun så meg. (She got really pissed off when she saw me.)

Jævel is a noun (m) and means devil. It’s an insult, usually expresses dislike OR someone being mischievous.

Han er en forbanna liten jævel. (He’s a little fucking bastard.)

MORE SWEARS UNDER THE CUT ! :^)

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mor-ranr

3 years ago

Aro culture is realizing that instead of a romantic relationship you just want to mean something to someone

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mor-ranr

4 years ago

“Link, I Heard A Girl’s Voice Call Out To Me When I Fell. It Felt Oddly Familiar..” “…”

“Link, I heard a girl’s voice call out to me when I fell. It felt oddly familiar..” “…”

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mor-ranr

4 years ago

Call me selfish but I appreciate having a person I talk to throughout most of my day. It’s like we’re having a long conversation that neither of us tires of

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mor-ranr

2 years ago

IT IS NOT SELFISH TO FEEL LONELY

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mor-ranr

4 years ago

Dame Archer kicks McDougal’s Scots ass there in the rain at the Washington Midsummer Renaissance Faire - August 11, 2018 - Photo by Douglas Herring

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mor-ranr

3 years ago

you’ve heard of long-term partners, now get ready for:

long-term friends that don’t get bored and abondon you as soon as they are in a romantic relationship

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mor-ranr

3 years ago

has aro tumblr ever talked about how being aro can put you more at risk of unhealthy/codependent friendships from either desperation and fear of abandonment or just feeling like you need to fill the void of romance

at the very LEAST i think there’s a point to be made about amatanormativity encouraging unhealthy codependent behaviours, in romantic relationships or otherwise

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