musings-of-fi

Latest Posts by musings-of-fi

How do you ACTUALLY network? Like the idea of a coffee chat always baffled me. Like a stranger would agree to get coffee with me for me to essentially interview and then what? I guess my bigger question is how do I provide value to them besides buying them coffee? And the whole concept just feels cringe and transactional

I’ll give you two recent examples, one of work and one of a social event.

A friend invited me to a party. I don’t know said friend very well, but we’re on good terms. I said yes cause why not.

I met a girl there who happened to do some very interesting things and had similar interests to me. How did I find that out? I asked her about herself, I found out where she was previously residing, I learned what she did for a living, and I began associating it to the things that I do. She’s from the same city that I want to move to, she now lives 20 minutes from me, and she’s interested in spirituality. My work happened to organise a similar event a week later, which I immediately invited her for. I asked her for her number so that I could send her the invite.

What she immediately liked about me and expressed, was that I don’t use social media, when we agreed to exchange contact info. I explained to her that I’d have to connect her on iMessage/ WhatsApp and not instagram. That allows us to stay in touch much better than on social media.

I left the party earlier than everyone but I looked for her and told her that we should catch up next weekend or whenever she was free. She agreed.

So this is what you learn from example 1:

1. Learn to associate.

When someone tells you that they work in XYZ company, in B city, start by connecting things in your head. Who else do you know works in the same field, could they know each other? What do you know about the work that they do, and if you don’t know much, can you find out more? Most people, including myself, love to talk about what we do at work and what our job entails. Has their work allowed them to travel a lot? If yes, where?

In order to associate, you need to read a lot and learn a lot. You have to understand what’s happening in the world, what the latest news is, because how the hell are you going to continue that conversation?

2. You have to snowball the conversation. The goal is to try and understand WHO this person is. If someone asks you, have you met CSB and you have, you should be able to say yes, this is what she’s interested in, this is what she works in - you should be able to pitch CSB to another person.

Not every single conversation has to be valuable. You also have to decide whether the person in front of you is worth your time.

3. Exchange numbers, not social media. Nothing is going to come out of exchanging instagram or LinkedIn.

4. When you’re leaving the event, look for the person you met and tell them that you’re leaving and that you guys should catch up sometime. If you haven’t exchanged contact info yet, that’s the best way to do it. “Oh let’s catch up again soon! Can I have your number? We can grab a coffee or drink whenever.”

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Example 2. I’d gone to a conference a few months ago. I met a young guy, around my age, who works in an accelerator. I’m very interested in the start up world, and he’s working in one of the best ones in the world, at a decent position. He immediately began telling me about recent funding that they did, what sort of start ups they’re looking for, etc. I asked him for more information, which he was super happy to talk to me about.

We’re on very good terms but we live in different cities. I often send him reports because I work in media, and he sends me PDFs and pitch decks. Whenever we’re in each other’s town, we message each other. Otherwise, I make it a point to reach out to him once a month, just casually, to find out what’s happening.

Takeaways from example 2:

5. Scratch each other’s backs. You can’t just get value from the other person, provide them with the same. It doesn’t have to be work related. Let’s say the person you’ve connected with is interested in indie music and you learn that an indie band is playing somewhere - send them a link to the event and tell them that you remembered that they like this genre, and you just wanted to share the info.

6. What’s important to learn is maintaining relationships. I reach out to all my mentors, all my latest connections once a month. That doesn’t mean that I’m necessarily going to meet them face to face, but I just check in and ask how things are going.

So.

Approach. Associate. Snowball. Exchange info. Maintain.

My mentor snapped when he said it’s imperative to always ask for what you want, because the worst they can say is no, and no stands for “Next Opportunity”. Like that’s literally my mantra.

Naomi Keza

naescloset.

on emulating hilary banks; ♡

appearance

clothes: hilary was most often seen in extremely chic skirt suits. taking inspiration from her could really improve your work wardrobe! but some of her most iconic outfits are her little black dresses, and little dresses in general. the key thing is that she always held onto a classic elegance: within that, don't be afraid to experiment.

accessories: accessories are vital! hilary was rarely seen without a hat, and she always utilised jewellery, gloves and hair pieces to the maximum.

makeup: defined brows, big lashes. light makeup and simple hairstyles that accentuate your natural beauty.

every outfit of hers was an extremely well put together statement. try and perfect that balance between attracting attention and remaining chic and sophisticated.

patterns! plaid, polka dot, stripes, florals. in this, the first bullet point is key: make sure you plan your outfit properly so that it looks stylish and not garish.

wherever she went, Hilary had eyes on her: dress to impress.

character

charisma! hilary got a job as a weather girl just by turning up at the studio. you need to have that natural aura about you.

confidence is key. don't be afraid to assert your opinions, set up boundaries, and go for what you want.

when ashley despairingly asked what she was supposed to do having received flowers from a boy, hilary had this iconic response: "for carnations and a little bit of baby's breath? nothing." know your worth, especially in romantic endeavours! hilary never compromised herself for men, or empty/sleazy expressions of attraction.

hilary was determined. when she set her mind to something, she got it. she was generally perceived as unintelligent, but when it came to something she really cared about she always had a creative solution that worked for her.

never doubt your own strength. sometimes you need the support of others around you, but that support should offer you faith in yourself.

building on from that, the banks household was tight knit, and while everyone had their fun, they were loving and supportive. surround yourself with good people you can count on.

private jets, private villas, private dinners, private life. 🧘🏾‍♀️

Things to keep private:

Everythiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing.

LIVE

This year I encourage you to choose to live. It sounds so obvious and simple but we tend to get so caught up in life that we often forget to actually live. I’ve made a few posts in the past about how I decided to make actually living life a priority in 2022 and I can’t thank myself enough for doing it. I’ve been having the time of my life and have such great memories I get to hold onto to. I have these memories because I decided to be intentional with my time and my life. When I did, I experienced things I couldn’t have even dreamt up if I tried. I want to share some of those memories with you to show you how fun life can really be when you make yourself and your life a priority.

- A friend and I decided to go out when I was visiting my hometown, even though our normal way to spend girl time was to sit by the fire with a glass of wine and talk. That night we ended up going downtown.  We ended up accidentally going to a concert of a very famous singer, standing close enough where I made eye contact with the person several times. I still don’t even know how we got into that concert lol. I got hit on by his lead guitarist without even knowing he was the lead guitarist for this singer. After their set we hung out with the band for a while before heading home for the night.

- A few months ago, I decided to take an impromptu New York trip with a close friend. We were only there overnight but we had the legit best time of our lives. We went to an upscale bar in the city and met a foreign real estate mogul, went to a lounge with a bar at the top (we didn’t know that at the time) and somehow got let into an VIP exclusive party in the bar at the top while we were exploring the building. We danced our butts off with people we didn’t know. It felt like a movie. We ended up leaving there and were on our way to another spot when we ran into a beautiful couple (they were genuinely so good looking), we got to talking with them and they turned out to be an uber successful couple. The guy was a very well known architect and the woman owned a successful art gallery in the city. After talking to them for a little, they gave us their VIP bands to get into a super exclusive party going on that night. We also all followed each other on Instagram so I got a networking opportunity out of it too. Side note: this was before I hated Instagram and deleted it off my phone.

- Living life doesn’t always have to look like going out on the town. This past year I said yes to things I used to do as a kid but never think to do anymore, as well as new things and experiences. An example of this was going roller skating after not having gone for years because I thought it was “kid-ish”. I went with a friend after hours and it was truly so much fun. It was so freeing to be a kid again and let my inner child run free and play, or I guess in this instance let my inner child roll free and play. It was honestly so healing. If I had said no because of my preconceived notion, I would have never experienced that. Since then I’ve gone roller skating more and have so much fun every time.

Embarking on this journey has sparked a passion in me. These past few years I just went through the motions on autopilot. I wasn’t intentional with my time or my life. When I chose to end that cycle I felt myself truly come alive. I really encourage you to evaluate your life and see if you’re running on autopilot. If you are, break the cycle this year. It doesn’t have to be in expensive or lavish ways. What matters is breaking the cycle how you can and choosing to live your life with intention. I promise you, you will look back a year later with beautiful memories and gratitude for making the decision to live intentionally.

Traditional Skills To Learn

In a world ran by technology, business, and success, the art of learning traditional skills and homemaking has been lost. I believe we should all go after our dreams, no matter what they are, but going back to our ancestral roots is a great way to practice mindfulness. Working on traditional skills gives you a sense of satisfaction, wellbeing, grounding, and peace. Here is a list of some ways you can reconnect with yourself and the earth : 

Gardening

Cooking from scratch

Canning food

Pottery

Wood carving

Sewing

Baking bread & making cheese

Learn about herbs and make your own medicine

Crochet

Make jam

Learn etiquette

Decorate your home

Write in cursive

Paint

Make candles

Teach & care for children

absolutely love her closet. via allyiahsface.

this was me celebrating that era after ariana got married where she was showing up everywhere in incredibly cute outfits. i was a woman obsessed

A reminder for the girls with big plans

To all the girls with big dreams, who have been told that they are ‘too preoccupied with success’, or that they are ‘too selfish’ or ‘too ambitious’ - do not listen to the people who speak those words. If you love something that much, and will pursue it to the ends of the earth, do not give it up for anyone. Hold it close to your heart and understand that you are not obligated to dim your sparkle for anybody. In your life, there will always be people who tell you that you are too much or too little. They will say a woman is too assertive, or too reserved. They will say she feels too little or too much, that ambition is selfish. They may even be hurt or offended that you do not think the same. Yet at the end of the day, know in your heart that you are the only one who will ever know whether you are truly enough and that is what’s important. Go out there and smash the glass ceiling to pieces.

Take your lessons seriously. Take what you want in life seriously. Write down what you can do better or what you can do more of or what you are grateful for. Celebrate and honour yourself. Stand up for yourself. Take yourself seriously. Think of how things will impact you in the long run so that you don’t make the same mistake again. Make sure you see people for who they really are. Take time off when you need to. Get back up again when you feel ready to do so.

artist: mafalda

My home will be a home with no loud anger, no explosive rage, no slamming doors or breaking glass, no name calling, shaming or blackmail. My home will be gentle, it will be warm. It will keep my loved ones safe. No fear, no hurt and no worries.

my 2015 aesthetic: working towards goals, sticking to skincare routine, drinking enough water, minding my own business, radiating love & positivity

If you reblog this before June 1 2015, I will write your URL down and stick it in a jar or whatever. Over the summer I will take the jar of URL’s and I will scatter them around. They may get taped to public loos, they may be thrown into crowds at festivals, or they may get put under napkins at restaurants.

Some one may find your URL, and who knows, they could message you telling you where they found it. 

You have until June 1 to reblog

Reblog if you're a Black Girl with Natural Hair!

I just want to know how many of us there are!