Beren: I'm Going To Fight God.

no cause we left him here so wtf happened

Tolkien writing kingdoms' moral decay and eventual decline: they exploited nature, destroyed forests and cut down trees

Tolkien writing male characters' moral decay and eventual decline: he stopped listening to his wife

Gimli: What is Aragorn doing?

Legolas: He was raised by Lord Elrond.

Gimli: You say that like that makes it make sense, but it doesn't.

Elrond : and what did we do when we have a day off from work?

Theanduil : lay in bed all day and move just enough so that people don't think you're dead

Elrond :...

Elrond : no... We do something adventurous, like maybe go outside. And what's the best part of going outside?

Thranduil : coming back inside

Elrond : No-

I LOVE MY FRIENDS SO MUCH I'M JUST STUPID AND FORGET THAT FEELINGS NEED TO BE EXPRESSED IN ORDER FOR THEM TO BE FELT

Peter: Do you care if I take the skin off this Furby? 

Peter: I want to make him a God. Once he is free of his sinful flesh, he can begin a path towards enlightenment. He will take care of Us. 

Peter: I also want to softhack his circuits. 

Tony: I literally could not care less but never say anything as frightening as that ever again.

Gimli, who went through standard dwarf education: "We'll need to be careful to elevate the head and monitor 'is blood pressure for the next few hours."

Legolas, who grew up in the woods surrounded by other weird ass Mirkwood elves: "...Why don't we just ask the moon to fix him?"

poor feanor </3

Aragorn: Today I realised I'm old

Eomer: Oh? How so?

Aragorn: I slipped and fell in the courtyard and instead of laughing, all my Elven friends came running to see if I was alright

Eomer : (laughing)

Aragorn: I saw fear in Legolas’ eyes