I Learned A Lot Working On Him... I Don't Finish Things Much And Then When I Do Perfectionism Can Still

omg you punk i didn't know you had a tumblr

it's new! New ish! I promise! Augh I am making an effort get off my ass, woman

I've got the ongoing severe project ADHD where I sketch a rad idea and draft a pattern or two and start hoarding materials and then... float to the next shiny idea like a cartoon character following the scent of fresh-from-the-oven windowsill pie. :P Screenfaced expressive robot is on costume bucket list, one evening on a whim I sketched them out on my headform and uUUgh I wanna make it but when will I?? Dunno. Need more LEDs. I feel like I'm in work/school purgatory. I can't manage full time school but it means I'm just gonna be in school for what feels like forEVER! AND I'm still so got damn tired. Came home from closing shift last nite, stayed up late panic studying for a programming test this morning, I DID OK ON THE TEST THO YEEEEAHBOOOOII, now I'm gonna pass out for a quick nap before work today fnghfgh ZZzzz. I'm ok tho just a lil moody that I gotta take things so slowly and Im STILL exhausted by it. Still thinkin about the irony of persuing robotics/engineering education after getting kicked out of top robotics school over decade ago (mind you, arduino didn't exist back then and hooooolymoly this stuff is so much easier now! wowowowow) Programming still so hard tho UGH. But I stay motivated when I get ideas like above and know that I may actually have skills to make it real sooner rather than laterrrr

Ohhh my gosh I love your art KEYBOARD MASH MASH MASH do you ever think you'll do commissions again?

I am IN FACT taking commissions at this current juncture in space-time! $33 icons, $66 portraits, $88 3/4 body pinups! 30 dolla up front for latter two, paypal only, email aysha.shehim at gmail dot com. Please provide a staggering wall of text description and ref images if possible.

Feel free to help me be a slightly-less-starving artist. It's slightly less cliche! D:

dyyyyying to make this uuuuuuuugh i need a new sewing machine

This drawing is old!  I feel like sharing it cos I still love it and is stupidly still one of my favorite portraits I've ever done, because real people are so firetrucking hard to draw. Hng. Plus Bob and Harry (from the Dresden Files) made the most adorable odd couple on tv (more than the actual original one /blasphemy). I'm a horrible person who actually preferred the tv show to the books, even though I love both, but honestly I think Paul Blackthorne's Harry is so much more likeable and it just took me FOREVER to get over book Harry's long black trenchcoat, being one of the things that makes it really impossible for me to like urban fantasy very much LOL

Plus I mean HELLO Terrence Mann, the tv writers giving Bob an awesome human backstory, making him fussy and English, FTW. Also since I'm already opening myself up for some flames I might as well add that Jim Butcher's potrayal of female characters is kind of... gross. THERE I SAID IT

Oh god I'm really rambling here.

hoss. (Taken with Instagram)

jakface:

Zazzle Quality!, a set on Flickr.

Hey guys! This is the amazing print quality of a print off of Zazzle. They do an amazing job and are SUPER fast. This is a print of my friend Aysha’s THE PALADIN, which I am so happy I bought! So I can totally vouch for the quality! YAY!

SWEET arrrghhghgh I can't wait until I can have one of these for myself lol oh Errikan <3

Prints of my masterpiece totally still for sale guys *plug plug plug* 8x16" 15x30" and 26x52"!

Do you still draw elves? I miss Errikan...

I miss him too, friend :( tbh I'm really struggling lately, creatively and otherwise, I don't have passion for anything anymore, just trying to exist until things get better

What is the hardest part about worldbuilding for you?

Logistics, PLOT... lol. Having an idea of what you want to happen with the world and characters but then trying to make it all fit and work properly... augh. Plot holes drive me so crazy in other works that I am really really obssessive about... not having them in my own work. If a question goes unanswered it needs to be deliberate. If there's a Deus Ex Machina plot twist it needs to GO (or at least have a precedent earlier in the course of events), it needs to be coherent and follow some kind of internal story logic.

Can't abide lazy storytelling *fistshake*

indigogrim replied to your post: Stuff like this is pretty livejournal ...

The more you practice performing and sharing your art with people the easier it gets.

Thiiiiissss is what I'm talkinbout tho? One would assume 10+ years of trying would be enough to tell if such a thing is gonna work out or not D: I'm reeeaally reaching right now trying to decide if it ever got any easier during that decade of effort and fffffnnnnghmaybe? BUT worth it? That I am even less sure about. Cos when I draw something and I finish I'm good. It's like welp, got a thing out of my head, done, satisfied. Might show a friend or two if they're online at the time. Its a little easier with fanart because fangirling and FEEEELS. But meeeehhh? WHY should I continue to push for it, is what I want to ask. I never got much reason other than because people wanna see? And that's not motivational enough?... sorry...? The inspiration to others thing is but again only sometimes because that's not whyyyyy I do this, so when I struggle to share and can't, then I just feel ashamed and as I said, I'm done with that. 

adrhaze replied to your post: 

You can always become a secret artist with a pseudonym and just keep yourself in the shadows while letting your work speak for you. The masked artist! Or maybe an agent? It works for banksy and a lot of writers.

I have totally considered a pseudonym! At least for writing, if I ever actually finished anything fff. For visual art I don't think Banksy is a good example, being mysterious brings EXTRA attention... (besides doesn't he have an entire crew helping him out...?) Musically I sure love Daft Punk's thing but man how much harder would it be to start doing something like that nowadays? Anonymity is kind of impossible. I'm already probably as secret as I could even be :C

Thing is though, I love musical theater best. Like I LIVE for Cirque du Soleil shows (only time something has ever made me cry just because it was so beautiful), and I did a lot of that stuff when I was a kid. But you really have to put yourself out there for it. Collaborating with a bunch of people to create something thats so many kinds of art all at the same time that no single person could pull off is just the greatest feeling. SO its easier when its a group thing too, a cast and crew can be a really supportive kind of artist family. I made costumes and props and magic tricks, I danced at festivals, I played in band etc. Stopped doing all that stuff publicly when I was 15ish for mostly angsty teenager reasons, though one year I did audition for a musical and that was the last damn time I sang outside of the shower or alone in the car and let me tell you I was ASTRONOMICALLY outside of my comfort zone there, woosh. (but I admit I wasn't satisfied doing ONLY crew cos I gotta daaaaance) After that I would say... a lot of things happened that made life a little bit tougher and I had to lean on my art for emotional support. I don't feel like sharing stupid life story stuff but I mean, maybe some people can at least relate to the idea that you might need oh I dunno, a stable life (one where you don't use up all your energy just trying to survive, for whatever reason. I mean this very broadly cos everyone has struggles) before you can do extra stuff like art. And art is usually in the category of extra stuff. When I had enough spoons left in the day to draw I still wouldn't have enough to deal with the kind of ridiculousness artists online tend to have to deal with. I hope I make sense.

Things are better for me now though which is a big reason this nonsense is on my mind actually.