I Can't Wait To Be Done W My Exams So I Can Starve Myself Properly Again

Maybe I'm just balls deep into my £d but I don't get the hype of having 3 meals a day. I understand ppl who have it because they legit need it to function (esp while you're alr struggling w an £d and splitting your calories throughout the day works best for you), and ppl w/ a b.e.d. Finding comfort in food is a thing and I get it.

But otherwise... why are ppl so obsessed w/ eating? You don't constantly need to shove food in your mouth. You can just go on w/ your day, do whatever you have to do and eventually eat when you're actually, properly hungry.

I want to be able to look at an overweight person and feel relieved that I don't relate to them and wonder how it can get so bad.

After dealing w a b.e.d. for years and now having trouble w how I view myself (and dealing w restricting), it's so hard to resist binging sometimes.

food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly

no cuz the ppl who said that fasting is addicting were right. I've been progressively more interested in trying to fast, and started w 12 to 16 hours, and did a 24 hour recently. It's on my mind constantly now

Eating multiple course meals <<<<<<<<

For those of you who use tiktok, do y'all know those videos of 'what I eat in a day'? Yeah, abt that. While I'm not a hater towards anyone in particular, I have a general thing where I'm wondering why ppl eat so much. Not necessarily their main meals (who can honestly look amazing and nutritious), but why do they need to eat every 2-3 hours? Why do ppl need to have breakfast at f.e. 8, have a snack at 9, another one at 11, then lunch at 12, another snack at like 3, dinner, and another snack before bed?

You don't rlly need all that in a day.

Rants w Arcane | pt. 2

I know this isn't my usual content, my I just wanted to get it off my chest. Maybe it brings some comfort to ppl in similar situations.

My education is very important to me. My main form of validation is academic, and while I wasn't a top student in high school, I was happy I graduated and found it a flex that I finished high school in a different country, in a different language. Now I'm an university that ranks top worldwide. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I had failed all my exams in january. Looking back, my study methods were just really not right and that's why I didn't do well. It obviously took a toll on how I viewed myself. Thus, the past semester, I've been in a constant toxic cycle of putting particularly high expecations of what I should do/what I should achieve by overworking myself, attending all my classes and student society (already 9 hours in a day) and studying an extra 4 hours in between and working out whenever I could. On top of that, I had fueled my £d as much as I could, pushing myself to get worse.

Dealing with the pressure of school, an £d, a relationship and going home every weekend where my relationship with my parents isn't the best obviously took its toll on me. After about 4 to 5 months of that, it seems like my brain finally is giving up. My anxiety is getting bad again and I might need meds again, if I don't get better. I don't want to bother people with it, but it is also something I cannot just keep hidden. I hope that things will get better soon and I should take better care of myself.

For anyone else in a similar situation, know you're not alone and you deserve to take care of yourself. It's ok to step on your pride and do things that'll help you feel better.

Nobody:

My brain throughout the day

how long have you been fasting for?

how many calories are you gonna eat today

how many calories have you burned

why don't you move more

why do you eat rn?

that's too many calories

don't eat don't eat don't eat

try to fast a bit longer

maybe we should eat so we don't pass out

why can't I just be skinny

fatass

why'd I eat that

I ought to force myself to fast for logner

Do I deserve this?

ugh why does he have to come over again, don't make me eat

thigh gap

why are my thighs/belly so big

I wish I was thinner

i hate being so wide

Hey gang, exams are coming up soon and I'm looking for some advice with restricting.