Part Of Being Aromantic, At Least For Me, Is Always Being The Third Wheel. Feeling Awkward And Left Out

I think I'll keep uploading flower pictures

Fave thing about Aromanticism?

Mine is the fact that aro is punk af. What’s your fave thing about our phenomenal community?

It was kind of a dick move to create animals that require air, then confine them to the freaking ocean

Aromantic Sunset. Just don’t ask me why the sky is green and we won’t have a problem.

why do i have to find an actual job instead of being the apprentice of the old witch who lives in the woods?

. . .

[image id: a four-page comic. it is titled “immortality” after the poem by clare harner (more popularly known as “do not stand at my grave and weep”). the first page shows paleontologists digging up fossils at a dig. it reads, “do not stand at my grave and weep. i am not there. i do not sleep.” page two features several prehistoric creatures living in the wild. not featured but notable, each have modern descendants: horses, cetaceans, horsetail plants, and crocodilians. it reads, “i am a thousand winds that blow. i am the diamond glints on snow. i am the sunlight on ripened grain. i am the gentle autumn rain.” the third page shows archaeopteryx in the treetops and the skies, then a modern museum-goer reading the placard on a fossil display. it reads, “when you awaken in the morning’s hush, i am the swift uplifting rush, of quiet birds in circled flight. i am the soft stars that shine at night. do not stand at my grave and cry.” the fourth page shows a chicken in a field. it reads, “i am not there. i did not die” / end id]

a comic i made in about 15 hours for my school’s comic anthology. the theme was “evolution”

Source

I’m not sure if I’m alone in this, but as an aromantic person, I wish my romantic friends understood the emotional labor it takes for me to lend an ear to their dating woes and to provide sound romantic relationship advice when I have no solid basis for understanding said relationships in the first place. 

I tend to approach dating advice from a humanistic point of view, rather than a romantic one. That is, I’m more concerned with relationship outcomes and the physical and emotional impact of relationships than the romantic value and excitement of a relationship. That’s mostly because I am aromantic. 

I appreciate that people think of me when they’re in need, but at the same time nothing makes me want to tune out more than issues related to romance. It takes tremendous effort for me to stay engaged in a conversation involving the needs of romantic people, which might make me sound like a bad person.

At the same time, I don’t think romantic people really consider the impact this has on aromantic people. I cannot speak for every aromantic person. However, we all have our own boundaries and needs. For aromantics, that could mean that discussing romance is an exhausting activity with little to no pay off. 

I do care about the well-being and safety of my friends, but I don’t often care about their romantic pursuits. I am genuinely happy for them finding fulfilling relationships, but I am not emotionally invested in the details of their romances. I do want to support my friend, but not at the expense of my own well-being. 

The most difficult part comes down to giving relationship advice to friends whose partners or potentially partners present aromantic behavior. I want to gently remind them that not everyone experiences romantic feelings the same way that they do, but then amatonormativity rears its ugly head from said friends.  

The amount of times I’ve heard a friend describe a partner or potential partner as emotionally constipated is distressing, along with friends describing said persons as a potentially abusive because they wont open up to them or engage in romantic behavior … all the while ignoring their own impact on others…

All of this being said, I think it’s okay as an aromantic person – or any person really – to step back and say that you’re not comfortable or you’re not the right person to talk to about romance. It’s not your job to empathize with romantic feelings for your friends’ sakes when you can’t feel it in the first place. 

one of the top ten Aro Experiences ™: being very touch-starved while also feeling like a small, bitey animal that’s been poorly socialized and has like a 50/50 chance of reacting badly to physical affection