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Shark Week Becomes Squalene Chum

We are only a few days away from one of the most loathsome weeks for surfers. A week of nightly TV that most of us salty, nasal drippers do everything to avoid. It happens every summer, that one week where the fun vibe in the lineup gets a bit frosty and sketchy; where freaky thoughts about oversized fish with multiple rows of sharp teeth swim through our collective domes.

It’s Shark Week on Discovery Channel. Oh, how I love this freakin’ week… Read More - Da Bob - YEW

https://twitter.com/RustedAloha

The Death of Body Surfing

I just came across a comment about Body Surfing that I had never really taken into account before...

“The surf leash broke up surfing and bodysurfing, which up to that point had been united since the beginning — wipeout, lose board, bodysurf, repeat…” — Matt Warshaw

As I think about it, this is totally, freakin’ true… The leash did squeezed the life out of bodysurfing! Read More - Da Bob - Medium

https://twitter.com/RustedAloha

WSL Goes Hollywood With Jonah Hill

by Da Bob

“Honey, honey, call me on the telephone I know you’re movin’ out to Hollywood

With your can of tasty foam…“

Not only a Rolling Stones song from ‘72, but the best way to describe what is coming out of 2020’s World Surf League offices.

#starf*cker Yup, and the star the WSL has chosen to lose it’s virginity to is … Oscar-nominated writer, actor, director, and surfer (???) Jonah Hill!

Read More - Da Bob - YEW

https://twitter.com/RustedAloha

Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model Makes Waves At 56 - YEW!

SI has included, amongst its usual bevy of young beauties, the most attractive 56 year old swimsuit model I have ever gazed upon.

by Da Bob for YEW Of course...  I look forward to this annual pageant of beauty ever year. However, the older I get, the crustier I grow, the more uncomfortable and creepy I feel about ogling SI’s annual Swimsuit Edition.  In short, I just don’t feel right about gawking at the assets of Generation Z. Read More - Da Bob - YEW

Patiently… Dealing With Life’s Kooks

by Rusty

There is a Zen thing all true surfers seem to tap into at some point during their salty existence. This happens when the impatience of youth surrenders to the power of Mother Nature. When a true surfer recognizes and accepts the swells, tides, waxing & waning moons… This centered place of Zen can only be learned over time; time spent searching for the right position to catch watery ripples of energy, seconds of time spent joyfully sliding, trimming and riding that amazing energy. The more time us flawed humans spend diving into the ocean, the more we discover how small we really are, in this big and crazy world. For the open minded, this all translates into the graceful gift of patience.

So, how come the older I get, the more impatient I grow everywhere else in my life?

I have no patience for my neighbors… Please mow your lawns and take down last year’s Christmas lights!

No patience for all you kooks on my freeway!

No patience for people who walk around while staring at their cellphones!

I have not patience for anything Bluetooth!!!

No patience for my expensive “High-Speed” internet! Freaking load already!

No patience for the gum-chewing blonde pharmacy assistant, who always forgets to refill my life-depending meds!.

No patience for $4.50 Grande Lattes! Hey kid, all I want is a black cup of coffee... To go!

No patience for airport security… How many TSA kooks does it take to waive a magnetic wand around my junk?

No patience for the “New Math” my grandkids don’t understand!

No patience for 909ers who show up at San O’s during a good swell and create a never ending line just to get down the hill… Pick up your trash & go home!

Oh shit… where’s my Xanax? I need to go surfing and get my thumping blood pressure under control.

Aloha Kooks!!!

This is dedicated to all you 909er’s (951, 657, 760…) You know exactly who you are! Surf Punks - My Beach

DjKK Wins Wipeout Of The Year 2020

DJ Keala Kennelly banked this year’s 2020 Red Bull Big Wave Wipeout of the Year.

It was her fin free take-off at Jaws that quickly morphed into an aquatic, cement skipping, triple somersault down the face of Maui’s most notorious north side break that secured Keala this never-sought-after, but seriously revered, surf recognition.

Important to note, Keala has always been a freakin’ charger as well as a force for equal pay for women in surfing — AND the inclusion of more ladies onto the big wave circuit; she successfully pushed for women’s inclusion at the Titans of Mavericks.

Read More - Da Bob - YEW

Old Guys Rule... Through All The Pain & Medication

by Rusty

The crusty crew of surfers I normally paddle out with have had a lot to deal with lately. Many of us salt & peppered degenerates have really taken a physical beating this year. Our collective seasons of surfing have led up to... one slider replacing both knees, another to swap his calcified hip for space-age titanium and just the other day, a newly minted grandfather, to “Cheater-Five” his way to the emergency room with a dislocated hip. All of these high doses of medication and pain has caused me to seriously question one of surfing’s most marketable slogans, “Old Guys Rule!”

Do we really rule? This old guy has witnessed a significant amount of pain and must fully admit that his own personal threshold for such things is, no bueno.

After surveying a few older guys than myself these past weeks, I have discovered one common thread amongst the healthier old guys; that is, no serious, oxidized, slider has ever squeezed into one of those doomed, cotton-blend, t-shirts.

According to one ageless soul surfer - that I, as an aging grasshopper sit at the feet of - there is only one way to deal with this hex... Fire! “My grand kids love to buy me these kookie shirts and I love those little boogers,” he said with joy and pride beaming from his eyes. “I would never purposely break their little hearts, but for my own personal safety and those in the line-up around me, I torch those communist made pieces of cotton on the grill. As a sacrifice to the surf gods!” And for that sage piece of pain avoidance, I say “Amen!”

Lastly, this is for all my surf brothers who are still in traction or slightly induced comas... The hippy, hippy shakes of 1965′s “Beach Girls and the Monster” - video remix by The Copper Tones.