Actually Schizophrenic - Blog Posts
schizophrenia is not just experiencing positive symptoms (hallucinations and delusions). a lot of schizophrenics are neurodivergent in other ways. this focus on the positive symptoms is a villainious way to gatekeep us from neurodivergent spaces because our positive symptoms are typically portrayed as "scary".
our negative symptoms (flat effect, being withdrawn, avolition and anhedonia) are skewed to portray us as "evil" because we're not "emotive" or "caring" enough. schizospec disorders make everyday activities so hard. basic hygiene isn't a habit, we have little to no motivation to do basic things, the lack of happiness and pleasure can turn into severe depression for some of us and that's why depressive and bipolar schizoaffectives exist. people don't grasp the fact that schizophrenia is a disability.
i've personally experienced a lot of cruelty from other neurodivergent people because there is little to no education on schizospec disorders even within neurodivergent spaces. we're seen as inherently morally reprehensible for our disorder and people are so casually ableist to us. i'm not able to speak up for myself in these spaces because i feel like there is no where else i can go. neurotypicals are cruel to schizophrenics but so are other neurodivergent people. people need to have more care and love for schizophrenics.
yes that includes schizophrenics with little to no empathy, schizophrenics of color, trans schizophrenics, gay schizophrenics, schizophrenic systems, autistic schizophrenics, schizophrenics with adhd, fat schizophrenics, poor schizophrenics, homeless schizophrenics, schizophrenic sex workers, schizophrenics who've experienced abuse, schizophrenics with ocd, schizophrenics with ptsd/cptsd, schizophrenic children and teens, elderly schizophrenics, schizophrenics who are also physically disabled, all schizophrenics.
all schizophrenics deserve love.
Hi there ! You can call me Jinx (or Allister but I rather have Jinx if we don't know each others)
I'm kinda a lurker around here but I've decided to try this site and maybe have some friends that would be cool !
I'm currently 22 yo, I'm a transgender man and ace sex repulsed and I'm in the middle of a process for a diagnosis of schizophrenia (I've been on meds for rougly a year tho) I also have a ADHD diagnosis !
My current hyperfixation is Arcane (currently watching with my partner the season 1) and I love synthv, my favourite book is 'Piranesi' from Susanna Clark and hm I guess I like music of all sort ?
I don't know much about dni list but I'll try, dni if you're :
-transmed, terf, or any lgbt-phobic
-ableist of any sort
-pedophile (or Map), zoophile, or anyone sexualising age regression thingie
-A maga person, republican or any facists guys
-You deny genocide
-If you uses slurs (even to reclaim them, i'm not comfortable with it)
-whatever, don't be weird
And to say the least I'm not familiar with all the terms and things on this site so if I ever made a mistake don't hesitate to tell me ! I genuinely don't want to be weird, my native language isn't english so if I make mistakes on this part please bear with me !
And if you want we can try to be friends or acquaintance, I'm not a talkative person but I try my best !
it bothers me so much when "mental health advocates" are only supportive of the "acceptable" symptoms and disorders...
people who "advocate" for depression but call others disgusting for having trouble showering, or people who "advocate" for trauma survivors but say you shouldnt express your trauma in art or talk about it because its "triggering"...
people who "advocate" for BPD but demonize NPD and ASPD as if they arent in the same cluster...
people "support mental health" until it isnt relatable. people "support mental health" until it cant be romanticized. people "support mental health" until symptoms disrupt life. people "support mental health" until symptoms are noticeable and not easily hidden.
you are not an advocate if you do not advocate for us all. you cannot be a mental health advocate while also talking badly about people with personality disorders, including ASPD and NPD. you cannot be a mental health advocate if you make fun of autistic people who are visibly autistic. you cannot be a mental health advocate if you call the police on someone with psychosis for talking to themselves in public.
if your entire "advocacy" revolves around demonizing more "severe" symptoms or disorders, and romanticizing the "good" and "relatable" symptoms or disorders, you are not an ally. you are feeding into stereotypes.
i have ASPD and NPD. the amount of hate i see in "advocate" spaces is honestly shocking. if your entire advocacy revolves around "helping depressed autistics escape evil narcissists!!!!", you are not an advocate, you are ableist.
people with stigmatized disorders or symptoms should not have to water down the way they experience life and describe their personal symptoms and experiences just to avoid being called bad people. by demonizing some disorders while romanticizing others under the guise of "advocacy", you are spreading misinformation and reinforcing stereotypes. you are worsening the stigma for people who already struggle. you are harming everyone with struggles, because a lot of society does not see a difference of "good" vs "bad" mental illness. to ableist neurotypicals, we are all bad.
you hurt the entire community by excluding your own.
you advocate for all of us, or you help none of us.
Psychosis vent drawing (version 1 is more accurate to how i feel but its a pain to look at lol,,,)
Do not use or post my drawings anywhere.
(reblogs are okay)
Having schizophrenia but being aware of when I’m hallucinating is such a fucking trip because just because I know I’m hallucinating doesn’t make the hallucinations any less horrifying.
The faces in the hydrangea bushes still make me sprint the rest of the way to my door. The calls, and whistles, and whispers still having my turning my headphones all the way up.
And currently the man standing in front of my bedroom door staring both directly into my soul and yet 1000 years away still makes me fear for my life as he would if he were real. But he isn’t, and I know he would either dissipate as I got closer to him or I would simply be able to reach though him and open the door if I so wished. But in my mind and in my heart I feel like if I tried to get up to go upstairs that he would stand, staring, his body and unmoving object in my path that I could do nothing about.
I know he is not real, but still he is there, and still I am scared.
One of the weird things about having multiple types of hallucinogenic disorders (in this case schizophrenia and sleep paralysis) is that I have one single hallucination that crosses between the 2. Like it doesn’t do anything unless its during a sleep paralysis episode but sometimes it’s there even when I’m not “asleep”.
Like when it’s a paralysis thing it like crawls on my ceiling, hangs down every so often, growls/clicks, and just kinda acts like a giant spider with only 4 legs. But when it’s just a schizophrenia thing it just kinda “sits” upside down in the corner of my room staring. It’s not there all the time but sometimes it is.
And there isn’t even like a connection between seeing it paralyzed vs phsycotic. Like if this was a fucking tv show or something it would be like “oh if I see it during the day it means I’m gonna have sleep paralysis tonight” or some shit like that but it’s really just random.
(Picture below the cut that I drew of it during my most recent manic episode)
schizoposting (said by me, a schizophrenic who thinks he's funny): cool!
schizoposting (said by a neurotypical edgelord): not cool!
does this make sense
why are the only reactions to telling somene im schizophrenic 1) piss poor sympathy and 2) making jokes about hallucinations and delusions and sometimes 3) denying my diagnosis?? what ever happened to "oh okay, how can i support you?" kinda strange innit
I was trying to explain this to a friend the other day. I get these premonitions in dreams I can never recall, though I know I dreamt something. It doesn't come back to me until a split second before the event happens as deja vu. Then I dissociate and know exactly what's happening. It makes me believe in reliving a previous universe. That or I'm just batshit crazy. I'm just now coming into my diagnosis as well, but this has happened all my life.
Is it a common schizo thing to have really intense deja vu? I’m not talking like ‘hey I just saw a cat I’ve seen a cat on this street before wow’ but like,, intense “I’ve been here before this has happened before” type of thing? In this exact building doing this exact thing thinking the same thing with the same story/journey/how I got here/ leading up to it. I dunno insight would be wonderful
some positive doodles for my fellow psychotics
could be paranoia-inducing i think so please tag accordingly!
Terrified Texan
I'm honestly terrified of being out in public now. I look Arab, even though I'm not. I'm born and raised in Texas. I'm gay. Maybe it's my paranoid schizophrenia, but I truly believe I will have to be careful when I'm out alone. I believe my looks were part of an assault by a police officer when I was travelling through west Texas. White people tell me I'll be fine. They say we'll get through this. But this isn't another Bush administration. This is this the xenophobic, homophobic, "disenfranchised", evangelical, white supremacist majority that incorrectly sees me as the enemy. With both Bush elections I was disappointed, but I wasn't terrified. I didn't joke about moving, I took democracy in stride and kept living my life. I jokingly get called terrorist, when I'm a native Texan. I get weird stares on the train and bus because I'm brown, and I was born in the US. I get searched every plane ride, even though I'm half white. In fact, I'm half Irish descent and half Indian descent. But I'm too brown for whites and too American for browns. I don't fit in, so I tend to stand out. And in doing so, I draw the ire and looks of others. There's too much hate and uncertainty in the world. This has always bred fascism, nationalism, and totalitarianism. And that's why I'm afraid. These ideals just won majority in the most powerful nation state in the world. And here I am, just wondering why people rationalize hate. Why has my country betrayed me? I'm truly worried for my safety in public. This wasn't the America I was promised under Reagan, Bush, Clinton, Bush, and Obama. My first political memory was watching the Berlin Wall fall. And now, my home will be building one. Winter is coming.
boys with personality disorders are valid and important boys with eating disorders are valid and important boys with psychotic disorders are valid and important boys with mood disorders are valid and important boys with processing disorders and autism spectrum disorders are valid and important the media often tries to push the idea that boys can’t cry or be sensitive. in spite of that idea, boys are allowed to cry and be sensitive. neurodivergent boys matter.
So this happens. Particularly zoning out, and it seems more intense now that I've been on medication. Sustaining concentration on anything is difficult.
I tend to crochet to keep myself grounded. But even then, I'll become enamored with the texture or my progress and I'll stop and dissociate. Even writing this reblog was more difficult than it should have been.
Are You Dissociating?
Dissociating is one of the most common responses to abuse and trauma. It involves feeling numb, detached or unreal and (while it happens to everyone once in a while) is experienced more frequently and severely in survivors. Dissociating people vary widely in symptoms and may experience any or all of the things from the following list.
You may be dissociating if you:
find yourself staring at one spot, not thinking anything
feel completely numb
feel like you’re not really in your body, like you’re watching yourself in a movie.
feel suddenly lightheaded or dizzy
lose the plot of the show or conversation you were focused on
feel as if you’re not quite real, like you’re in a dream
feel like you’re floating
suddenly feel like you’re not a part of the world around you
feel detached and far away from other people, who may seem mechanical or unreal to you
are very startled when someone/something gets your attention
completely forget what you were thinking just a moment ago
suddenly cover your face or react as if you’re about to be hurt for no reason
can’t remember important information about yourself, like your age or where you live
find yourself rocking back and forth
become very focused on a small or trivial object or event
find that voices, sounds or writing seem far away and you sometimes have trouble understanding them.
feel as if you’ve just experienced a flashback (perhaps rapidly) but you can’t remember anything about it.
perceive your body as foreign or not belonging to you
(likes and reblogs always taken as support)