Gender Roles - Blog Posts

Henrik Ibsen's Puphejmo-A Doll's House

Wei Wuxian, Feminism and Autonomy

The title sounds way fancier than this is going to be. So sorry for that. But this is a thought I've had for a while not and i just got double-triggered. So I'm listening to this MDZS podcast that i really like while reading mdzs fan fiction. The podcast is "Podcasts are Forbidden in the Cloud Recesses" and the fan fiction is one of those cast watching the show ones. Which is one of my favorite genres for this specific media. So I'm having a good time. But then the podcasters make the same point the fan fic does as I'm reading it and it just really pissed me off? Thats the preface for this whole long-ass rant.

So Wei Wuxian in my opinion Wei Wuxian has all the worst parts of being a heroine grafted onto his character and no one seems to care. Like I know the fandom feminizes him a lot because the author does and its part of his character. But I'm talking about like how he is written and how we are supposed to engage with him as readers.

Ok so, i don't understand people who don't understand why Wei Ying doesn't know Wanji likes him. That's it that's the whole premise. Because here's the thing it is very common in media for girls to have to tolerate shitty men and look past their flaws to love them. Its commonly expected for female characters to either fix the guy or learn to look past his flaws or change themselves in some way. Its also really common in media for the problems of dating and protective sex and dealing with sex appeal to fall on teenage girls. They are the ones who should flirt less, they should dress more modestly, and they should date less to be more appealing. And I see this same mindset with Wei Ying in the Fandom and in the novel.

Lan Xichen and Nice guys

This idea came to me one day when I was rewatching the untamed and I got to the Gauyin temple scene. The one where Xichen goes on this long-ass speech about all the things Wanji has done for Wei Ying. I'm watching this scene and I think "is this how it goes in the book? Because if so this is really fucked up." I hadn't read the book in a while so I hopped online (this is before the official novelization) and re-read the last like thirty-ish chapters for fun. And it's actually worse in the book. The entire speech is how Wanji has sacrificed so much for Wei Ying and how he hasn't been grateful and hasn't noticed his brothers feelings. How long Wanji has pined for him and how he's too selfish to notice. And its just a really gross speech to me. Because it implies that Wanji is owed Wei Yings affection because he has done these things. That Wei Ying is a bad person for not noticing Wanjis feelings and returning them. But here's the thing, Wei Ying doesn't need to return shit. Like he should be thankful for Wanjis help, that's fine. Be he is not obligated to fall in love with him cause of it. And frankly, most of the kind things Wanji did either happened out of Wei Wuxians view or after he had died. And I realized that Xichen doesn't really care about Wei Ying? Like he see's him not as a person but as a thing that will make his brother happy. He only encourages their friendship because to makes Wanji happy He doesn't take Wei Yings feelings into account at all. The moment that friendship comes with heartache for Wanji Xichen stops supporting it and caring about Wei Ying. He calls Wei Ying Wanjis biggest mistake just cause he doesn't seem to like Wanji back despite how nice he's been. To Xichen them getting together is something that has to happen and if it doesn't its because Wei Ying is the problem for not liking him faster or as much. Which brings me to:

Wanjis Trauma is not Wei Wuxians Problem

I was inspired to actually get this down because of that double hit. So here's what happened I'm listening to the podcast and they just started talking about how sad and repressed Wanji is. How he hasn't learned to express himself or learn about sex and how sad that is. That WEi Ying is being the loud annoying little brat he always is. And Wanji, baby boy just can handle it. So he lashes out and is super rude and dismissive. But ohhh he's just so horny its not his fault! And at the same time in the fan fiction, they get to the scene where Wei Wuxian flirts for some free loquats and Wanji gets jealous and looks away. In the Fan fic they have older wei wuxian apologize for flirting because she should have known better? That pisses me off. Enough to make a long a tumblr rant. So much of the fandom assumes the responsibility of putting work into the relationship on Wei Wuxian. Of course, he should feel bad about flirting in front of Wanji. He's his future husband. Even though at this point Wanji as been nothing but cold, distant, authoritative and dismissive. Wei Ying has zero reason to believe he is jealous and even if he did;t that's not his problem! The idea that Wei Ying needs to learn to be less of a flirt fort eh sake of Wanji feeling comfortable is bullshit. Wei ying doesn't owe him a damn thing. Its just so common for people and the author to rush to defend Wanji was being repressed and unable to express himself. While Wei Ying is called selfish and thoughtless for not being willing to sympathize and make concessions for him. I understand that Wanji changes after the time skip. He realises that Wei Ying isn't obligated to like him or act a certain way. But at the same time he still doesn't full give Wei Ying full autonomy in their relationship in my opinion. Because he doesn't confess first. He's so afraid of rejection or Wei Wuxian liking him out of obligation that he decides to help him but not confess. He decides that if Wei Wuxian falls for him it should be by choice (I'm assuming, its actually really unclear to me). But first of all that doesn't happen! Xichen gives that stupid nice guy speech. and second, that's still fucked up. If he actually respected Wei Ying he would be upfront and tell him and deal with the fallout after that. Instead, he just helps wei ying out and while burying his feel feelings and hopes that is enough. How could Wei Ying not feel shitty after hearing that? I don't know. I just think it's reasonable for Wei Ying to be hesitant to like Wanji based on how he's been treated. It's true that both of them have issues with communication but those issues started with Wanji. He's the one who showed that he's so blindly rigged in his ways and refused to admit out loud how he felt to start with.

Side Bits

I completely forget the scene where Xichen tells his family back story to Wei Wuxian until just now. Thats so fucked up and manipulative coming from him. It's just meant to make Wei Wuxian feel bad for leaving Wanji and explain some of his behavior. No one pulls Wanji aside and explains that Wei ying spent years on the streets and then in a toxic household where the matriarch openly hated him. So he has low self-esteem and genuinely thinks his life is worth less than others. No one was like hey he's bubbly and loud because there's no other option for him. Like in the book the only people that advocate for Wey Ying are the Wens and Sometimes Yanli.

After Fenmiin and Madam Yu die they and the land Jiang Cheng gets so mad and sad he starts to choke Wei Wuxian to death. He stops and starts crying but that's so messed up. Like Wei Wuxian also closed a second pair of parentel figures just now but his body I still used as a means for a man to let out his sadness. Like he's still just a vessel for someone else's emotions. I think this actually happens a lot with Jiang Cheng. He has a habit of blowing up at Wei Ying in a way that is implied to be deserved or not that bad. But just doesn't feel great to me based on everything else I've written about.

Wei Wuxian is only able to clear his name and live a semi decent life because he gets with Wanji. Wei Wuxian success is not based off his talent or smarts alone, it is mostly based don't he fact that Wanij is willing to vouch for him and help hide him. Like I know part of it is Huasiang helping him but he would not have gotten far without Wanji helping him. Not only that but Xichen is only willing to help them even a little in their research because of his brother. And that's just a little annoying to me.

By the end of the story Wei Wuxian has no financial autonomy. Which isn't a big deal because this is ancient Chinese vampire times so as the "wife" he wouldn't have much anyway. But still not great.

Meng Yao and Wei Wuxians mothers and meng yao and Wei Wuxian are talked about in similar terms that are interesting. So both of them are "tainted" by specifically who their mothers are. Men Yao because his mother was a sex worker and Wei ying because his mother was known to be a highly wanted and playful woman. People both assume they are going to be exactly like heir parents and treat them as such. Which affects how they actually interact with people. MEng Yao knows he can't appear greedy or even like he's ambitious because he knows that as a son of a sex worker, everyone will think he's naturally greedy and manipulative. And he is those things. But they made him this way. he had to no choice but to be a sneaky asshole because the moment he showed any ambition it was either immediately squashed because of his status or people were like I know it. He is sued by his father in the same way his mother was. Wei Wuxian on there other hand has three people in his life who treat him a certain way because of his mother. Fengmain lets him get away with a lot and is openly affectionate to seemingly make of for his relationship with his parents. He doesn't spoil Wei Wuxian as much as he doesn't really expect anything of him? He just wants to see Wei Wuxian happy doing whatever he wants. He assumes Wei Wuxian is a wild and free spirit because his mother was and thats not fully true. On the other hand, Madam yu and Qiren treat Wuxian almost like a temptress. He's just a reflection of his moms wild, playful and seduction personality to them. They both think he's someone they have to actively control and suppress lest he get all the attention and make people behave inappropriately. Its that same notion I wrote about way earlier. How girls have to be the ones to control themselves and their appearances so as to not tempt the men folk with their ankles.

In Conclusion

Fuck the Patriarchy, Learn Necromancy.

You have no gender roles if you have no gender

All you have is roles

Mmmmmmmmm tasty rolls

Went to a class on gender roles in media and made this in it. The red circles represent woman and how they have to be calm and leave space for others while the blue rectangles are covering them up and are sharp cause men are allowed to be angry and harsh, they are also covering each other cause they don't need to make space for others.

I wouldn’t go as far as property, we have respect for each other. However we do believe in traditional gender roles.

Traditional values are ingrained into our dna

This is so underrated nowadays. Your grandparents were likely this way and your grandpa was probably happy to work hard and provide for the family in a way that took the burden off everyone else. Respect and appreciation goes both ways! Modern women have a certain entitlement that puts resentment in the mind of men. Well if you’re going to compete with him verbally, then compete by helping pay bills. You want a man that takes care of you? Then take care of him!

How to be a Good Submissive Wife

1. Cook lots of healthy food for the family to help them stay big and strong.

2. Always wear pretty dresses.

3. Always wear pretty clothes and be clean, fresh and well groomed.

4. Never take birth control, children are a blessing.

5. Keep the house beautiful, clean and bright. Make it a peaceful home.

6. Help him relax after work by waiting at the door to greet him.

7. Be a good mommy to all the babies and never shout or get cross.

8. Be good, quiet, doting and adoring when in public. Let the whole world see how good a wife you are.

9. Stay fit and healthy, so you’re body is always ready to make another baby.

10. Never ever say no to him. He knows best, so you must trust his judgement and do as he says.

11. Be a good girl when out and about.

12. Be proud to be carrying his babies and don't hide the baby bump. Enjoy being pregnant by him. This is what you were born for.

13. Tell him your problems. Don’t let them make you unhappy, frowny or grumpy. He will know how to fix them.

13. Tell him every how much you love and appreciate him.

14. Love and look after his extended family, he likes knowing you respect and care for them.

15. Always kiss him goodbye, hello and thank you.

16. Sit on his lap whenever he wants you too. Be a good girl and let him enjoy his innocent submissive wife.

19. Go to bed whenever he tells you to. A good wife is well rested, strong and ready every morning to make pleasing her husband the main priority of her day, every day.

❤️

☺️

Gender Roles in Marriage: Embracing Change in Modern Marriages

  Marriage, once perceived as a union rooted in strict gender roles, has undergone a significant transformation in recent decades. Traditional gender roles, where men were expected to be the primary breadwinners and women the homemakers, have evolved into more fluid partnerships. Modern marriages are witnessing a paradigm shift, challenging societal norms and fostering a new era of equality and…

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Marriage and Gender Roles - Keeping Tradition Alive in Modern Times

Marriage has long been considered a cornerstone of human society, a bond that brings individuals together to form families and communities. Throughout history, it has been deeply intertwined with cultural norms and societal expectations, including the roles and responsibilities assigned to each gender within the marriage. However, as society evolves and notions of equality gain prominence, the…

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I am pressured to look a certain way I am blamed for men’s ways

I am sexualised day to day

I am female in a man’s world

I can’t be gay

I’m all for them but I say

I’m not for men’s pleasure

Get your shit together your being the wrong weather can’t we be us whenever

My mom argued with me for "letting" my bro play Dress to Impress on my Roblox account

She said it was a game for girls and he shouldn't be playing this kind of stuff and, honestly, this is so frustrating and sad

We were genuinely having a blast. Bro went full competitive mode, excitedly putting outfits and getting super happy with his 4th place (he ate)

It's such a harmless and fun game. Specially to play together. This whole heteronormative gender role thing is such a PAIN IN THE ASS

Let people enjoy harmless game they have fun playing .

So what if a young teen boy is playing a competitive dressing game with his sister? Even if he was alone, too. What's the wrong thing about this?? It's infuriating to see people being deprived from doing stuff they enjoy because "it's for boys" or "it's for girls". It's a game. Period.

This whole frail toxic masculinity is a deeply rooted behavior that must be changed. Let boys have fun! Being by playing shooting games or dress up games. Who should care? Only hobbyless people who have nothing else to do with their lives, obviously.

This whole "oh but that will influence men to be more feminine and gay" talk is so dumb. Even if it did influenced boys to "act more feminine", the only harm this cause is done by those closed minded people who shame people for expressing themselves in a way that makes them happy and confortable. The only issue this may potentially cause is solely and fully the fault of these people.

The harm a boy wearing a skirt isn't caused by the skirt, but by the person who shames, insults, belittle and forbid him to do so.

This is a way bigger rambling than I expected but anyways. I'm mad. We were just playing a fun game together. And now we can't. At least, while mommy and daddy are home.

Just let bro cook!!!!! (He made this all by himself)

I will never get over how fucked up it is to give little girls baby dolls & tell them they’re gonna be mothers when they grow up. She’s a baby and you’re already teaching her to prioritize others over herself. She doesn’t even get to be a child in childhood

Gender is difficult

Whenever I ponder my gender because I find it confusing there's always a road block I hit. Being a girl is so deeply rooted in my life. I've always been very vocal about my opinions on sexism, plus being female effects my life and self so much. I don't really know how to describe it any better than this. Right now I just use any/all pronouns because I really don't know or care what pronouns people use, but at the same time I get so happy when someone uses he or they instead of she. I don't really know, gender is confusing and I needed to rant.

underwhelmed

“Don’t wear shorts above

the knees as you do that way.”

“Why do you come to work

dressed so fancy every day?”

“Flirt more, work for it;

I find that’s the hottest.”

“Try not to be so sexual,

women should be more modest.”

“You should wear less makeup,

don’t hide away your gorgeous face.”

“Wear more makeup

because you look so tired today!”

“Make sure you dye your hair

to the roots so it’s the blondest.”

“You should change your hair

back to brown; I’m just being honest.”

“Don’t talk so much in class;

you’re taking up too much space.”

“Why don’t you talk more?

I know you got something to say.”

“You should finish up school,

to ensure you’re the sharpest.”

“Don’t go to school at all

if you want to be a real artist.”

If I let the world control me,

it’ll rip me to shreds.

It’ll take this tapestry I’ve woven

and turn it into threads.

If I let the world control me,

I won’t understand myself.

IF I WAS ALL THE WORLD

WANTED ME TO BE,

YOU’D FIND YOURSELF …underwhelmed.

-kalika

𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐗𝐄𝐈 𝐕𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐊𝐘 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

❝𝐢 𝐚𝐦 𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐲, 𝐨𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝, 𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐝, 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐛𝐛𝐨𝐫𝐧, 𝐚𝐧𝐝- … 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐞𝐱𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐢 𝐚𝐝𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮.❞

this movie made me want to die. and i'm not even joking. he was so fucking beautiful. the whole time in my head i was telling myself 'it should be me' everytime anna and alexei had a scene together.

pairings: alexei vronsky x fem!reader

REQUESTS: Open / Closed

TW for this section: 

cussing

smut

fluff

angst

abuse

violence

discrimination

bullying

talking shit (?)

body dysmorphia

mention of adultery

pregnancy (?)

social norms of the time (sexism)

that should be it but if i miss any do let me know! as alwayssssssss, i'll have a little a/n to warn you guys on what TW's are present in the fic.

since i'm really bad at describing clothing, i'll add in a picture of the dress i'm imagining at the end of the fic. i mean i'll try my best to describe it but no guarantees.

for this section since it's back in the day and they didn't have phones... i won't do a little camera roll thing, sadly.

now, without a further ado...

PRESENTING...

→ 𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐗𝐄𝐈 𝐕𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐊𝐘

smut:﹗

fluff: ♡

angst: ✦

miscellanies: 𖦹

❝𝐢𝐟 𝐢 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐞, 𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐦𝐚𝐲 𝐢 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐤 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧.❞

one shots:

A Rose for your Thoughts 𖦹

mini series:

n/a for now

more is on the way!

click here to go back to NAVIGATION

ELIZABETH OLSEN as CANDY MONTGOMERY Love & Death (2023) — 1.01 The Huntress

My thoughts on this:

What if we lived in a world with reversed gender roles? If he never got to see breasts because they were hidden behind comfortable shirts? If he never was encouraged to objectify women but rather himself, make himself a desirable sex object for women regardless of his own comfort? And he never got to approach women but had often quite ugly women in his face, groping him? What would he think of breasts then?

modern empath crisis of faith