Me: literally just chilling about to sleep
My brain: cooking up the most disturbing, detailed, horrible, gut-wrenching intrusive thought ever
Me: don't do it...
My brain: here's an image of your abuser sitting over your motionless body and eating through your flesh and organs. I made it myself.
I just realised I can crash out at any moment I want.
I became friends with a girl who joined my school at the start of the school Yr in 2024 and she's having to repeat the Yr so technically she's meant to be in yr11 but is having to repeat yr10, and long story short, at the beginning she was like my bestfriend and now she's a two faced b-word that I'm waiting for karma to get
I am not joking
I've seen her reposts and one of the vids she reposted seemed like she reposted it because of me, and btw she told me she didn't v@p€ and yet one of her reposts was a picture of a girls friend passing her a v@p€ under a bathroom stall wall
....
And there was another one, it was a picture of a sign saying 'I love being drunk' (I can't remember if it was getting or being but it was one of the two), for context I turned my titkok account on private and checked to make sure we weren't following eachother.
Also by two faced, I mean at the start of year 10, she was all nice and genuinely seemed like my friend and I always wanted to hangout with her and stuff, THEN, stuff started happening little by little.
I think it all started one day when she came in to tutor and she was really upset and basically having a panick attack and she was crying and I took her to the closest girls toilets and we went into a stall and I did my best to comfort her and even hugged her and made sure she spoke to a staff member.
And I went to say 'hi' to her at break time the same day and she said "have you been telling people the reason I was crying this morning is cus I'm being bullied?" And immediately In my head I went "WTF!?" And I told her that I hadn't been - and I did not and would not ever do that - and then as time went on things just got more tense because of drama with other people.
Until one day, a few weeks before A RESIDENTIAL SCHOOL TRIP! That she had asked me if I was going on because "none of her friends were going", and I went on because I didn't want her to be alone (btw residential means away from home) I was sat eating lunch in my boarding houses kitchen like normal and she was with her friends, who she now claims she isn't really friends with, and says "can you stop telling lies about me to people please?" And just WALKS OUT!
EXCUSE ME!?
Not only did she say that infront of a bunch of people who I know already didn't see me as even a friend, but she didn't allow me to talk and just ignored me when I called after her.
And when we had a meeting with my head of house to sort it out, the "lies" I was apparently telling people consisted of:
- me saying that she was dating a random guy in Asia
- me saying I didn't want to sit next to her on the journey for the trip (which was all the way in France, I live in the uk)
And I think some other stuff, but what confuses me is:
- why didn't she come up to me and ask if i was saying these lies?
- why did she just believe random people over me?
- and who was lying and saying to her that I was saying this stuff?
And on the trip:
- whenever I put input on a conversation her and the other girls gave eachother a look as if to say "omg shes so cringe" "She's so weird" (stuff like that)
- her and the other girls talked crap about me and when they were confronted they said "whats wrong? You can hang out with who you want, like we just thought it would just us yr10 girls hanging out but you can hang out with the girls you've met with that's okay, we just don't want random people In our room"
Which I can understand, but when we stood up to get off the coach we were on to go too the place we were staying at, I LITERALLY HEARD THEM SAY MY NAME AND SOME OTHER MEAN CRAP!! I highly doubt they know anyone else named PIXIE!
And its not as if I was just anxious and was thinking the worst, no NO!
- heard my name in atleast 2 conversations and it wasn't them calling me pretty thats for sure
- even though I'm 99.9% she doesn't use tumblr, I'm gonna call her milly
- she brought up my ex - boyfriend
- before trip: had told me that the girl who really hated me and I hated her cus ngl she is a bitch but i was kinda one aswell it was one of the rare times I've been immature (I'm 14 but with the maturity of a 25 Yr old thanks to bullying and stuff) and Mary had told me that (lets name her lila) might be dating my ex, who I had told both lila and Mary about
- happened I think same day she came up to and asked me to stop telling lies, and I found out what Mary had told me was a bunch of crap when I asked my ex - bsf who was friends with lila and Mary
- so I've started to think that Mary has been fake since day 1, and just feeding a bunch of lies
- And after Mary got indirectly rejected by a boy in our year group who was also on the trip, she said (let's call my ex liam) "should I just date liam instead?"
- I was in the room when she said that
- I knew she knew I could hear her
- 20% sure she might have referred to Liam as her 'fine shyt'
Like I said it's a long story and it's hard to explain my frustration in words.
As of now shes talking to me in registration/tutor timer, but doesn't open my snaps (we do streaks) acts like im invisible outside of registration.
I'm confused and frustrated, and my mock exams are coming up really soon and It's so stressful, basically all of her friends are in another boarding house so the only 2 reasons she hasn't moved boarding house is either because she likes being two faced towards me and wants to make my life a living hell for the next 17 months or there is no room In the other boarding house.
I need advice, opinions and just some comfort, all I've been told is be polite and stay the same as if nothings wrong but don't trust her.
I genuinely think I have trust issues now because of this girl.
I'm so close to just blocking her - and if she asks why - call her out for being two-faced and reminding her that if she's acting this way cus of something personal she could've just come to me because I would've kept it secret and helped her as best as I can or she could have gone to the girls she seens to be actually friends with instead having me get treated like crap.