Lessons Learned - Blog Posts
Do You Believe in Fate/Destiny?
I have gone back and forth on this question for over 15 years. I used to think like this: when the good fate happens, yes! When the bad fate happens, no. I find that the words Fate or Destiny are rooted in positivity and materialistic values, and I think many others will currently (or used to!) have the same belief that I once did that the Fates only arrive on the breeze with good news, never the bad or ugly. The more I delved into my practice by pouring time and soul into research, meditation, spirituality and witchcraft, the more I understood that fate or destiny isn’t always the light side of life, it encompasses the dark too. Do I now believe it exists? Wholly.
At this stage into my practice and reading, I have become aware that there are certain soul milestones we want to achieve before we come to Earth, but I don’t think these lessons are linear. They aren’t “supposed” to happen in a certain way at a specific time with the perfect people. They occur when they can, based on the choices that form the paths we take in life. Every choice we make matters. Each one makes an impact in one way or another, which means they can change the course of our futures and therefore the way in which we receive Divine Timing. The lessons will come either way, but the circumstances around it may change to lean more heavily into the positive or even perhaps the negative. We must learn the lesson either way. If we’re clever about it, we will able to check a few teachings off in one fell swoop and make a great leap forwards into greater circumstances than thought possible. A destiny that aligns with our heart and soul.
I don’t believe that fate works to give us what we want, I believe it does so to give us what we need. They are two very different things. For example, we may want a big, beautiful house in a big, beautiful neighbourhood, but what we need may be a small, rickety cabin where our soul feels comforted and warm. We may want lots of money to buy the things we think we “need”, but what we actually need is basic financial security to traverse safely through the human experience. It is wise to look between the lines of wants vs needs and act accordingly. Can we take a step back and ask ourselves what life lesson do we need to learn right now? Is there something we can do to change what our brains want into something our souls crave? Are we able to see so clearly that we can take charge of the smaller lessons too in the shadows of the large?
Sometimes it’s difficult to figure out what our current life lesson is, as it can arrive seemingly out of nowhere - this is where practices such as Tarot and Meditation come into play to help work it out. Sometimes it can takes weeks, months or even years to go through a soul milestone and it won’t always appear in the preferred way. But when it does arrive, it’s imperative to welcome it in and embrace the changes whether there are highs or lows; it’s an opportunity for growth no matter what. We are also able to ask the Universe to speed these fates along to aid us in reaching our highest good, and it will do so promptly! We are the Universe experiencing itself come alive; it wants us to traverse unknown territories, explore our feelings and wonderings, achieve great things, fall down in self-pity, move forwards, step backwards. Ask for help to speed things along and see where you end up.
For many big “fate/destiny” stepping stones, it can leave you feeling weak, blindsided and sat at rock bottom. But from the ashes rises the phoenix. Your plumage will be brighter, healthier, thicker. Your spirit and energy will be stronger, resilient and more capable of setbacks. Our soul will be craving knowledge which means we will want to experience more, get lost more, accept challenges more, step out of our comfort more. It’s a funny thing because at some point in the future unknown, we will find ourselves smiling through it all. We will know that we can join the predestined as an equal, a willing participant and a master of our fate.
I became so much more delicate
when I was with you—
in body
in spirit
Some days,
a strong gust of wind could’ve scattered me
over the globe
like ashes in an ocean
You taped HANDLE WITH CARE on me and
ignored your own warning
And when I was shattered on the floor,
when I was left sewing together
what was left of my soul
Without you,
That’s when I woke up
and finally realized how much better I am
Without you
So t h a n k y o u
for teaching me
I don’t need anyone but
Me
— Yushan C.
On Tyranny: Twenty Lessons: Most of it is quite self-explanatory. But elaborate on #12.
12. Make eye contact and small talk.
This lesson is so simple and human that it hits me every time I think about it. Snyder gives a straightforward definition, which I will quote at the end of this post, but he also links this lesson to people who have lived through tyranny.
[...] memoirs of their victims all share a single tender moment. [...] people who were living in fear of repression remembered how their neighbors treated them. A smile, a handshake, or a word of greeting [...] took on great significance. When friends, colleagues, and acquaintances looked away or crossed the street to avoid contact, fear grew. You might not be sure, today or tomorrow, who feels threatened [...]. But if you affirm everyone, you can be sure that certain people will feel better.
When I think about it, making small gestures like this also makes me feel a little less afraid. So making a small gesture - whatever gesture fits your personal style - makes those who need it feel better.
Snyder's definition is this:
This is not just polite. It is part of being a citizen and a responsible member of society. It is also a way to stay in touch with your surroundings, break down social barriers, and understand whom you should and should not trust. If we enter a culture of denunciation, you will want to know the psychological landscape of your daily life.
Touch Grass
Lesson 13 got me thinking. It has a lot to do with physicality. Snyder summarises it as follows:
13. Practice corporeal politics. Power wants your body softening in your chair and your emotions dissipating on the screen. Get outside. Put your body in unfamiliar places with unfamiliar people. Make new friends and march with them.
I'd summarise it more like this: Touch Grass.
On Tyranny: Twenty Lessons
Which lesson would you like to know more about?
Do not obey in advance.
Defend institutions.
Beware the one-party state.
Take responsibility for the face of the world.
Remember professional ethics.
Be wary of paramilitaries.
Be reflective if you must be armed.
Stand out.
Be kind to our language.
Believe in truth.
Investigate.
Make eye contact and small talk.
Practice corporeal politics.
Establish a private life.
Contribute to good causes.
Learn from peers in other countries.
Listen for dangerous words.
Be calm when the unthinkable arrives.
Be a patriot.
Be as courageous as you can.
Snyder, T. (2017). On Tyranny: Twenty Lessons from the Twentieth Century. Crown.
On Tyranny: Twenty Lessons
Which lesson would you like to know more about?
Do not obey in advance.
Defend institutions.
Beware the one-party state.
Take responsibility for the face of the world.
Remember professional ethics.
Be wary of paramilitaries.
Be reflective if you must be armed.
Stand out.
Be kind to our language.
Believe in truth.
Investigate.
Make eye contact and small talk.
Practice corporeal politics.
Establish a private life.
Contribute to good causes.
Learn from peers in other countries.
Listen for dangerous words.
Be calm when the unthinkable arrives.
Be a patriot.
Be as courageous as you can.
Snyder, T. (2017). On Tyranny: Twenty Lessons from the Twentieth Century. Crown.
"When I was young, I used to admire intelligent people; as I grow older, I admire kind people."
- Abraham Joshua Heschel
Preach🙌
- Embeccy
Gilderoy Lockhart
Another Ravenclaw embarrassment, Gilderoy Lockhart’s biggets lessons to us were more lessons to Hermione: that crushes aren’t real, and that it’s important to look past the surface of people and how they aren’t always what they seem; while very similar these two lessons are two important and different beast life stories to learn.
Attractive and intelligent were two qualities Lockhart had but like anyone who has ever had a crush, Hermione filled in the gaps she didn’t know about Lockart’s personality with qualities and explanations that could fit, and ones she also admired.
Hermione thinks: Lockhart wants to get some hands on experience (when he released and then left them to ‘round up’ the Cornish Pixies
She fills this in because she likes to be independent and smart. This happens to everyone, and unfortunately for some more than once. Crushes are different than true relationships with depth. This is also why we should evaluate all of our relationships as time goes by. This is because people can grow distant and people change and just because we connected with someone once or had the same values doesn’t mean we do now. These are relationships that without pain or malice we can let go.
Similarly, certain things about Lockhart just didn’t add up. Yes, he wrote autobiographies, but not one other person from his cases or towns that he saved ever came forward, joined him on tour, or admitted to have been save by him and was a fan. Given his charm and ‘wanting to help others”, this doesn’t fit even the part of his personality he promoted: where he would have wanted to seem more accessible and like the “every-man”, and therefore better than the everyman. No one confirming his stories or telling his historic and impressive saves as a victim are two crucial clues that show have allowed even the distant observer insight into the fraud he was.
So Dumbledore is correct, “there is plenty to be learned even from a bad teacher: what not to do, how not to be” and I cannot help but feel this was especially true of a lesson to give to Harry Potter, probably more than any other lesson. That no one, for talent, intelligence, beauty or charm, is better than anyone else