I Always Sleep With One Eye Open, On The Door

what is anger if not pain in disguise?

I'm just the culmination of all things I hate

Death is an old friend.

She rocked my cradle when I was a baby. Held my hand as I took my first steps. Sat with me at lunch in school when no one else did.

She never says anything, but I understand her nevertheless. She finds ways to comfort me in silence.

I thought she was cold and distant at first. Cruel, even. When she tore apart families, orphaned young children, made parents have to bury their hearts along with their babies.

But she also provided peace to the ones who have been sick for a long time. Brought justice to those who wronged others. Ended much suffering.

She's kind and cruel at the same time.

She arranges visits with my grandpa sometimes if I ask nicely. He doesn't trust her, but he likes visiting me. He manages to put up with her long enough.

She's always there for me. Even when no one else is. Especially when they all leave. She visits me when I sleep, giving me a preview of what awaits.

She tells me my time will come soon enough. I'm glad. I find solace in her cold arms.

damn that's a beautiful addition. might make another poem inspired by that lol

I know I'm just holding onto a wilting flower

The corpse of hope decaying before me

But I can't let go of it, and I won't

Not until just the skeleton remains

maybe an actual cage would feel less like a prison than this place I call home

*showing visible symptoms* oh my god i need help desperately

*symptoms go away for one day* what if im just faking it

understanding is born only from the deep dark depths of having gone through the same hell

inspired by @yourangelciggy

Shut up, I know others have it worse.

I know I’m a horrible person.

I know that I deserve my poisoned mind.

I know that I’m not worth anything.

I know that I deserve everything that’s coming for my life and my throat.

I know that no one will ever want me.

I know that I’m ugly.

I know that I’ll never be loved by a stranger.

I know that I don’t deserve to complain.

I know that I’m privileged.

Goddamnit, I fucking know that I deserve these thoughts, that I deserve to die and, god, I know that I should’ve never been born to begin with.

So shut the fuck up.

can mutuals DM you?

Mutuals can throw me into a ceiling fan