I’m Still Trying To Figure Out If I Am Valid

Bittersweet

I love you and hate you, both at the same time.

I love the way you say my name, but I hate that it's always out of disappointment.

I love the way you smile, but I hate that it's never towards me.

I love the way you talk, but I hate that you would never talk to me first.

I love the way you look, but I hate that you never look at me.

I love the way you care about others, but I hate that you never care about me.

I love the way you pay attention to detail, but I hate that I'm the only one you ignore.

I love the way you just exist. But I hate that it wouldn't matter to you if I didn't.

I hate loving you.

But you love hating me.

understanding is born only from the deep dark depths of having gone through the same hell

inspired by @yourangelciggy

I'll search for you in every person I meet

the moments after hanging out with friends when you just feel so lonely <<<

There's nothing I wouldn't do for you

And yet it's not enough

Because I was never the one for you

Even though you were the one for me

Paradox

I've always been told how I'm too quiet. But then people shush me when I talk.

I've always been told I'm too much of a doormat. A people pleaser. But some think I'm too bold and rude.

I've always been told how I'm so smart. But I'm the dumbest person I've ever met.

I've always been told I care too much about everything. But apparently I can't bring myself to care enough. I'm too selfish.

I've always been told that I don't use my full potential. That I don't give my best. But when I do, I'm a ‘try-hard’. Pretending to be something I'm not.

I've always been told I'm pretty. But those words ring hollow when I look at myself in the mirror and only see the ugliness. Nothing but flaws.

I've always been told I'm a good friend. But then people choose to leave me. I'm left alone.

“But you're never alone,” people say. “We will always be with you.” But the loneliest I feel is when I'm in a room full of people.

I've always been told “I love you”. I've stopped believing those words, because I feel like the most unlovable being on the planet. “Love” feels like a mockery.

I'm too much. Not enough. I'm a paradox.

People tell me I'm bursting with life. Too bad I'm dead inside.

maybe I'm so cliché because for once I just want to feel like I'm normal

I'm gonna find and kill the person who said 'adulthood is just one crisis after another'

because it's not. it's MULTIPLE fucking crises AT THE SAME TIME

I was never meant to go through this much character development

I don't want to get better anymore, it's pointless