Count Olaf - Blog Posts

Esmé: *starts trying to get into Olaf's pants*

Me with my 6 year old cousin: *Puts hands over her eyes* Look away! Look away!

The Axolotl: "Now, there'll be no more interruptions, distractions, or side plots. Bill Cipher, is there anything further you'd like to say to the Court?"

*A piano, which was notably not there beforehand, is present with Bill sitting on its bench. He flexes his fingers before drifting them towards the white-and-black keys, playing the opening notes of a tune. He then turns to face the great amphibian expectantly*

The Axolotl: "Not in the form of a song."

*Bill's eye twitches in annoyance for a moment and he closes it to gain composure before opening it back up*

Bill: "I'm innocent."

The Axolotl: "Very well."

*They move to face the jury, opening their mouth for a second to speak before being immediately interrupted by a certain triangle continuing his statement while playing a melody on the piano*

Bill: "I'm so incredibly innocent that the word 'innocent ' should be written on my face. The 'i' would stand for 'I'm innocent.' The 'n' would stand for 'nothing wrong,' which is what I've done. The 'a' would stand for—"

Ford: "That's not how you spell 'innocent.'"

Bill: "I'm sure spelling doesn't count."

The Axolotl: "Spelling counts."

*Bill's eye scrunches in annoyance at the frilled god and he does his best to side-eye them with his singular eye before placing focus back on his piano*

Bill: "Well, then 'innocent' should be spelled 'B-I-L-L' because that is how I plead!"

*The keys got louder with the pronunciation of each letter and he finished off with a selection of sweet notes, nodding in showmanship*

(Incorrect Quote sourced from the episode "Penultimate Peril: Part 2" of the show "A Series of Unfortunate Events".)

"Is this about the children? I apologize for the noise. I told them to cry using their inside voices."

—Filbrick Pines, probably

(Incorrect Quote sourced from the episode "The Bad Beginning" of the TV show "A Series of Unfortunate Events".)

"Girls were falling all over me in school, and not just because I would extend my leg when they walked by. I was a lone wolf, a mysterious stranger, a regular client at the hospital."

-Bill Cipher, probably

(Incorrect Quote sourced from the episode "The Austere Academy" of the TV show "A Series of Unfortunate Events".)

Imagine Olaf screaming "PARKLIFE" every time Lemony finished a sentence

I have a headcannon

So during a Series of Unfortuante Events title song, Count Olaf keeps telling us to look away. But during the last 2 episodes, he BEGS us not to keep watching and leave, because as long as we don’t watch the last episode He. Doesn’t. Die he keeps on living and so does the woman he loves

Woah Mr Mentally Ill posting twice in one day??

...who cares lol

Anyway– I'm here today to talk to you about the use of color in ASOUE. So let's get into it!

Okay let's start off with basics: yellow represents innocence and purple represents evil. In the early days of the first season, Sunny wears yellow colored clothes. As she gets older however, she wears more colors like pink and grey.

Purple is the color that Esmé wears at the opera. It's also the color that the man with the beard but no hair and the woman with hair but no beard wear. In the scene wear the baudelaires help burn down the hotel and help Olaf get away, Violet wears purple.

Again, going back to yellow, look at the island. Now this might be a bit of a stretch, so take it with a grain of salt. So yellow and red make orange right? So someone with not much knowledge on the subject might think that orange and white makes yellow aswell.

This is where the stretch comes in, Ishmael wants to recreate that innocence like we see in Sunny at the start. That's what VFD was supposed to do, keep childlike innocence.

While you would think red would be a color associated with evil in ASOUE, but it doesn't. It mainly represents good. The uniform on the Quequeg is red. In the show, Kit wears it at the opera. In the books, the baudelaires wear it while working at the Hotel Denoument. Klaus also wears it in some early episodes.

Blue would usually be associated with childlike innocence, but in ASOUE it's usually the loss of childlike innocence. Beatrice wears it when she throws the dart that kills Olaf's father. Klaus wears it when they steal a boat, get arrested, in the movie, and all illustrations. Sunny also wears it in later seasons, showing how she is no longer innocent. It is also the color of the sugar bowl.

Green is a neutral color. The hypnotized mill workers wear it. In the show, the baudelaires wear it when they spy on bad people. Olaf wears it in the song "Not how the story goes".

Black and white funnily enough, aren't black and white. They're blurred, both bad and good characters wearing it.

But hey– that's just my two cents!!

(If you guys wanna send me theories to talk about, send me them!)

Jacques: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?

Beatrice: >:O language

Kit: Yeah watch your fucking language

Esmé: OKAY WHO TAUGHT KIT THE FUCK WORD?

Olaf: 'The fuck word'.

Lemony: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time

Kit: Oh my god they censored it

Olaf: Say fuck, Lemony.

Kit: Do it, Lemony. Say fuck.

Is Mr Poe an ex vfd volunteer?

We know that the baudelaire parents threw parties with very specific friend(s), Poe being one of them. All other friend(s) of the baudelaire parents are implied/stated to be ex/current vfd volunteers. Why would they be friend with just a random banker?

Adding on to this, Poe is always there when misfortune falls onto the baudelaire children. As if his presence there causes it. What if it actually did?

Think about it, what startles the baudelaires that leads to Dewey Denoument's death? Poe. Who gets Jacques Snicket arrested and killed? Poe. He is always there.

Who gets the news first? Poe. Who tells the baudelaires about the fire? Poe.

Adding on to @femmefatalegoth Poe is a villain theory, if he wasn't an ex-volunteer, why else would he insist on never listening to the baudelaires? He only listens when indisputable evidence is shown.

Mr Poe gets treated horribly by Olaf when they 'meet', yet he speaks of the count kindly while talking to the children.

If he was an ex-volunteer– he must've left vfd. Why, you may ask, would he have a reason to leave vfd as a volunteer? Easy.

His children. To protect them from vfd recruitment.

Also, what reason would he have to be at the Vile Village? He says he's "running with this crowd!" A vague answer. Likewise, he's familiar with the rules of the VFD village— an old vfd station.

This all makes sense if Poe is an ex-volunteer. Why he knows so much about the baudelaires personal lives? He knew their parents very personally.

A cause for his cough? One theory from popsugar.com suggests it could be from fires he might've helped set. Another personal theory of mine is that it could be to do with the medusiod mycelium. We know it makes you cough a lot as by what happens to Sunny when she ingests it.

Could a younger vfd volunteer Poe be on a mission when he was exposed to the medusiod?

In both the book and the show, one of the lines in "The End" is "at this time Mr. Poe was better known as his stage name" suggesting that he was an actor at some point. Acting is a profession that a lot of vfd volunteer take on.

It is also stated that the baudelaire(s) smell smoke around figuratively (and sometimes literally).

We know that sometimes ex-volunteers that join the 'evil' side of the schism will put on a dumb act as to not be caught. Could this be why Poe is always so stupid?

Anyways.. thats just my two cents!

ruby would be the NUMBER 1 snape hater

and she would absolutely END count olaf I stg

okay okay okay so the Bradley Baker/LB era of Ruby Redfort is the same as the marauders era of Harry Potter and is also the same as the VFD era in A Series Of Unfortunate Events 😭

Now that I’ve discovered the “save as draft” feature, I have this whole backlog of things I’ve been meaning to post. I saved this back around when I reblogged that Kitlaf song. I’m not sure I can really say I ship them, but I mean, who doesn’t get beach scene feels. Well, and hero/villain ships are kind of my thing--although I suppose there’s enough moral ambiguity with Kit that it’s not that simple, which makes the dynamic that much more interesting.

I also think this is a really neat art style, like an old cameo necklace. It feels like something you might find half buried by ash after a fire stole this old necklace from its hiding place in the attic where it was tucked away decades ago. A strange old relic, full of stories and secrets, which one might turn over in one’s fingers, contemplating. 

I also find the pose interesting, how Olaf is somewhere between pulling away and leaning in. The artist has done a great job of making the silhouettes recognizable, too; Kit’s messy, pencil-decorated hair is spot on.

And all I do is kiss you, through the bars of a rhyme. 

This is so gorgeous and emotional and dramatic! I haven’t watched the Netflix finale yet--I guess I’m saving it for a little bit--but I’ll never forget all the feels I felt reading the beach scene in The End, back before “feels” was even a thing people said. This song beautifully captures all of those emotions and gives me plenty of its own. I’m pretty sure it gave me goosebumps although I admit it is also a bit chilly in here. But the emotion in the lyrics and the singer’s voice are certainly goosebump-worthy!

Also, FYI, the volume is fine on my end. It sounds lovely!

Edit: I realize now that I was using my cheap headphones when I wrote this; they’re not great headphones and so I always have to turn the volume up on things to compensate. I just didn’t realize that I wasn’t turning the volume up for this song. So, yes, the volume is indeed loud. It’s not hard to deal with though, and this is still a gorgeous song. I was listening to it on repeat at work the other day.

I think it’s best to listent to it at low volume because I still can’t use garage band properly and the volumes are wrong 

Kit and Olaf love story was my insipiration for this song, they are one of my first ship and it felt like a nice way to honor it. 

I hope you enjoy it. I’ll be posting the lyrics in a reblog so keep an eye open. also as soon as I’ll fix the volumes I’ll be putting it on band camp. 

Olaf, Bertrand, Poison Darts

Before Olaf ever officially met Bertrand, he had heard stories about him.  Bertrand’s chaperone thought he was an amazing, model apprentice. But that chaperone also ranked last out of all 52 VFD chaperones. Who coincidentally was also Olaf’s nemesis Snicket’s chaperone, and that was where things got interesting.

Someone who Lemony Snicket was unfavorably compared to? Olaf hadn’t even met this guy, but he decided that he’s going to like him.

When they finally met for the first time, Olaf discovered that Bertrand was quite unlike the usual VFD theater teens he encountered. Bertrand wasn’t much a literature guy, nor was he invested in poetry or theater. He didn’t quote classics in everyday life (not even wrongly or sarcastically or anything) like the rest of them.  (Perhaps that was how he got assigned to lowest ranking chaperone, Olaf thought.)

Despite his differences with the theater teens of VFD, they all turned out to like Bertrand a lot.  He was pleasant and easygoing and because of his interests were different from them, they didn’t feel the need to compete with him.  But the best thing was, he was great at building sets and props – everything the theater people needed on stage – and every fancy, overly dramatic equipment they probably didn’t need off-stage but he was nice enough to make for them anyway.  (One day, the working wings of a dragonfly costume might turn out surprisingly useful for an actress, but that was another story.)

And Olaf liked him too, just like all of them. Bertrand was the only person who wouldn’t tear his Al Funcoot plays apart, and as much as it was fun bickering with Beatrice or R about the literary references in his plays, it was great to have someone who he could spend time with that didn’t care about all those and would be glad to help make the props for the play.  (Although he did have to fight the other theater majors for his time – as if Beatrice’s bat-styled hot air balloon or Esme’s martini glass dress was more important than his demands.)

And perhaps that was why Bertrand’s part in his parents’ murder came as the most surprising of them all.  After being friends – if he could call them that – with Beatrice for so many years since their childhood, he’d known, grudgingly that she was capable of a lot of things. Mostly in the name of drama, but sometimes for things more sinister too. He’d seen her darker sides that sometimes he wondered if Snicket realized. And Kit – she followed VFD’s orders in a way nobody else could, she planned coldblooded schemes in the name of necessary evil better than anyone else. (It probably said something about their relationship that he wasn’t that surprised when his girlfriend played a part in his parents’ murder.)  But Olaf never expected it from Bertrand.

Bertrand, who got along with everyone, who was always helpful, who didn’t argue much but not in a Jerome kind of way.

He’d long known ago he shouldn’t trust actors, but perhaps the biggest lesson was to not trust the polite and practical engineers either.

In retrospect, maybe he should have known. After all, Bertrand was the one with the craftiest hands out of them all. And if he could make theater props for them, who knew what else he was able to make?

A handy little device for aiming poison darts, as it turned out.