Fear Of Abandonment - Blog Posts

I didn’t get to grow up with my birth parents in my life, because of them I have lived through thirty one years of my life with abandonment issues. Searching for love and acceptance, settling for just anything that felt like love.. I look back on all of the relationships that I have been in and I feel so embarrassed to have allowed such toxicity in my life. I long for someone to come and save me, only to realize that I don’t need to be doing that anymore, I have myself to be proud of, I need to pour LOVE into this beautiful human being who is ENOUGH. I am WORTHY!!!!!!

Anyone who is struggling with the fact that you don’t feel important enough to be loved and appreciated, I’m here to tell you that you are!!!!!!

I realised the reason I love reading those romantic xReaders so much is because my fear of always being left behind runs deep enough that it bleeds into fiction. I assume everyone is going to leave me once they get a crush and/or fall in love, so especially when I'm reading xReaders, I have to be reading the romantic ones, because I know that as long as the characters like me romantically, they'll never leave me. I realised this when I read a completely platonic one, and I was uncomfortable. I was complaining to myself that I much preferred the romantic ones, which were much more fun and interesting. But when I got to the end, I thought about how if I had that friendship in real life, I would have felt so fulfilled! So I reread it, and it was so cute and fluffy and wholesome and I loved it! But I wondered what the character would do if he ever fell in love with someone else. And then it hit me.

I fear even a fictional character, in a fictional scenario that I can control just by thinking about it, leaving me for a romantic entanglement.

I am not okay.

Me: Once these friends stop loving me, I can never love again.

My logic: What? They still love you tho?? Why are you saying that, they've given no indication that they're gonna stop.

Me: This is it. I will never use my heart again.

Logic: Literally nothing is happening????

Me: Cruel world, I shame you for hurting me. Tears, I loathe that I need you. Love, I wish I never knew you.

Logic: LITERALLY SHUT UP, YOU'RE FINE??????????

TW: Glitching, implied abandonment

What did Glisten do to the other toons?

Trying to tell myself he has a life and the world doesn’t revolve around me but god, him not talking to me rn is so painful.

You ever so happy while talking to them then think..this is going to hurt so bad when they leave me.