Peter: Loki! Violence isn’t the answer
Loki: I’m a god. Therefore I have the authority to say it is.
Peter: *pauses* Can’t argue with that logic
Tony: oh no
Loki at Midtown Tech: I have come to kidnap my adopted gremlin friend
Office Lady: I’m not sure who you mean. Would you like to ask over the PA system?
Loki: I would love too.
Loki into the mic: Hey gremlin, we’re gonna fight a god and kick his ass. And then we’re gonna cause mischief with the vent bird
Meanwhile in Peter’s classroom
Teacher: Well that was weird. Probably someone playing a prank...Peter, why are you getting up?
Peter: I’m gonna fight a god, kick ass and cause mischief with the vent bird. It helps a snake and spider de-stress.
Teacher: You know what? I don’t care anymore. “Fight a god” as long as you get your work done.
Ned after a moment: snake... snake... Wait, does that mean that was Loki?!
Mr Harrington at decathlon: You’re all wonderful people so I don’t think any of you have ever broken another person’s bones before
Peter and MJ look at each: About that...
Harrington: Okay, I kinda expected MJ but Peter?! Why are you breaking people’s bones?
Peter: Cause fighting non lethally is hard without breaking bones. I either break bones or I kill them
Harrington having a panic attack: Okay. Okay. This is normal. Trauma forces people to make bad choices.
MJ: I’m proud of you loser.
Flash: whatthefuckwhatthefuck
Ned: How come humans don’t lick to show affection?
MJ: Lesbians do
Peter coughing after choking on his saliva: W-what?!
MJ: You heard me
Ned dying of laughter and with an accent: It is what it is
Peter our as Spider-Man talking to a criminal: Where can I find a wheelchair?
Criminal who’s rant was interrupted: What? Why?
Peter: Cause I can’t stand bullshit
Tony scolding Peter for doing stupid and dangerous things on patrol: Why?! You’re going to get yourself killed!
Peter and Loki: Here for a good time not a long time
Shuri coming in with a bottle of bleach: I was summoned and I brought drinks.
MJ: Hey losers. Give me an honest answer on how much you hate Flash.
Peter: It cannot be represented by mortal means
Ned: I-
MJ:...That’s fair
Peter: *texting happy* Happy! Help, I’m being kidnapped!
Happy: *replying* where are you?
Peter: I’m with some strange person! In a car. Help!
Happy: I’ll call Tony
Tony: *answering his cell* Y’ello?
Happy: where’s Peter? He told me that he’s being kidnapped.
Tony: Peter? Whaddya mean, he’s sitting in the back seat right her-
Tony:
Tony: I’ll call you back. *hangs up*
Tony: *turns around in his seat to be facing Peter* UNDEROOS! MY GOATEE WILL GROW BACK!
Peter: *pushing himself against the car door* WHO ARE YOU?!
You know that thing when you did something bad and your parents just go: “imma gonna take you phone away.”
Welp, Tony Stark tried it once too. Peter just got in a fight (details doesn’t matter, the bad guy got kick in the ass and peter three bullets into his chest) and Tony just took his phone away.
10 minutes later Tony passes Peter again and Peter is holding in hand some new phone, even better than the one he got before, it has even a AI and a drink holder and everything, and Tony is just like;, Where did you got this? Peter, who gave it to you?!” And Peter just looks up and takes off his EDIT glasses like that (yk, just like Tony does) and is all like cool and w a special cool voice and he says;, nobody get me it. I built it.”
And Tony just doesn’t know if he should be more proud or pissed off.